Monday, September 22, 2008

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things..."
1 Corinthians 13:7

I'm finally emerging from the fog enough to return some phone calls and everyone wants to know the same thing:  "how the heck do severe heart defects go undetected for almost 2 months?".  I asked myself and every doctor the same question.  Here's what I know...her heart checked out fine on ultrasound at 20 weeks (they must have just checked to see if she did in fact have a heart), she was checked by my o.b. at birth, many nurses, and at least 3 different pediatricians in the first few weeks of life.  She ate well and gained weight just fine.  
But, for all of you who are worrying that your child has some terrible, as yet unknown, diagnosis...I did have many concerns about Lilah.  She slept a lot, never cried, and was a very noisy breather.  I'm sure there are plenty of babies out there that fit that mold and are fine, but, looking back, I had a nagging feeling about it.  Of course, I brought all those up at doctor visits, but they aren't exactly huge red flags.  Hindsight is 20/20, but I know now that I was really concerned because I mentioned these things to everyone I knew.  But, I always explained them away (i.e., she's just really laid back) because, to me, she looked perfect.  The strange thing is that now, when I look at earlier pictures, she looks sick.
I am not really upset that so many doctors missed it....it gave me an irreplaceable gift.  I got to have 6 weeks to bond with my perfect daughter....to look into her eyes and think forward to cooking together, shopping trips, and a wedding, without the worry or the fear.  That time gave me the chance to fall so madly in love with this little package that whatever lies ahead is absolutely worth it!

12 comments:

Elizabeth Myatt said...

Oh, dear Gina..what beautiful words you write for your daughter. You have loved her well...sick and healthy. This is a beautiful post. Good to see you coming out of the fog a bit...can't wait to hug you. Sleep tight in Knoxville-
Lizzy

The Leonards said...

I agree--these words are so beautiful. Lilah is a blessed little girl to have you as her mama. Hope you all have a good day today.

daisyeyes said...

everyone says it over and over and it's so true...Lilah is blessed to have you (both your children are).

Even in the trials that we have to go through in our lives, God gives us such amazing faith and strength to get through them...this is so evident in your lives right now. The testimony that you are all living so honestly is impacting so many people...those who know you all and don't know you and those who know the Lord and those who may begin to believe in Him now because of you and this sweet little baby.

God truly does use the least of us to move greatly.

J. K. Jones said...

Gina,

We are still praying for you in West Tennessee.

I hope that you do not blame yourself in any way for the undetected problems. What more could you have done?

JK

notes from em said...

Sweet Gina!!!!
Your daughter is beyond blessed to be your daughter. You have great dreams and wants for her and there is no need to change those.
God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
Hard to swallow at times, but its the truth...
love you ...

Anonymous said...

Gina, I cry every time I read your updates and am almost always at a loss for words. Your love for Lilah and Garrett is so evident.

I'm praying for you guys everyday and I'm so thankful to God for His faithfulness to you during this time, as well as your faithfulness to Him. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Since I'm not a blogger, I forgot to put my name -- Jill :)

Anonymous said...

Paul and Gina,

I just wanted you to know that not a day has gone by since I found out about Lilah that you all have not been in my thoughts. Every time I start to get upset about something trivial, I think of what you are going thru and realize how unimportant something are in the grand scheme of things. I am praying for the best for your family. Let me know if there is anything at all we can do.

Suzanne Caruthers

Anonymous said...

Dear Gina,
I am a friend of Robert and Rima's and we are in the same home group together in Israel. I just want you to know that we are praying fervently for you over here, and that even though we have never met your beautiful (actually GORGEOUS) little lilah, we love her, and know and trust that God is in complete control of her precious life.
With prayers and love,
Tehila

Anonymous said...

Dear Gina and Paul, with you and for you we all pray for your little Lilah. Reading your beautiful message brings us all back to the true meaning of life--to love and be loved. Just because I do what I do, I have thought a lot about theology and always come back to the wonder of love as the bottom line of who God is and the opportunity to "be perfect" in God's sight. None of us will ever "get it all right" as in making no mistakes. We do have the capacity to love and care for one another. Little Lilah is so very blessed to have you and Paul, and I am blessed in the privilege of sharing your journey. Thank you for opening your hearts to us.--Sandy Foster

Christy said...

I think of you guys often Gina and your words just bring me to tears!! Your daughter is beautiful and your love is evident. She is blessed to have you as a Momma! My thoughts and prayers are continually with you and your sweet family.

Christy Bonifacio

Rachel Sara said...

What sweet words! I can't wait until Lilah is old enough to realize the love that her parents have for her! She is very blessed!

Praying in Memphis,
Rachel