Friday, December 25, 2009

I love Christmas...who doesn't right? I love the music, the food, the parties, the cards, the cheer. Everything sparkly, fresh, I've thought this year alot about the "something new". It is my 3 year old's mantra--"I want something new". He says it often...rummaging around my purse or looking throughout my car for something else, something new, something different, something more.

The battlecry reached an apex this morning, as Garrett was in his element....riping through presents... "which ones are mine?", "do I have any more?", "I want something new!". Of course, I'm sure this is 'normal' child behavior, something all children do (don't tell me if yours don't)--but it makes my skin crawl! It sounds terrible to hear--makes my hair stand on end(not to mention embarasses me)---and confirms we are raising a spoiled brat.

In all my quiet time, siting in front of my tree, sipping cider with my feet up, and reading my devotional (this is a joke)....I have had a revelation: Garrett is no different than me, just more honest. Because that's why I love Christmas...the 'something new'. Not the new 'things', getting or giving presents. For me, it's the 'perfection'...the decorated houses, the shiny lights, the smiling faces. I know full well it's an illusion, but it draws in me every time. If I'm honest, it's not the celebration of the birth of Jesus (as I know it should be) that's gets me all warm and fuzzy--it's all the trappings. I get caught up in expectations of Christmas in my head. And, just like Garrett, it's never enough. I've recognized this flaw (and many others) within myself for years...trying to focus on what's real. The reason for the season and all that. But, at the end of the day, or the party, or the season, I still feel it. The "I want something new" void. It wasn't quite enough.
And, this is where the revelation part comes,.....that's okay. I think that's how God made us--to have a deep yearning for something more. To know and love the gift of Jesus, but also to thirst for not only 'something new', but for all things new. I recognize that the baby born to save me from my sins was the perfect gift, but it did not make things perfect. And I want perfect. I do, and it's okay. Jesus gives me peace, and joy, and freedom....but there is still a whole lot about this that is no where close to right, not to mention perfect.

And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."...
Revelation 21:5

So, this Christmas, I'm taking it easier on myself and my kids (yes, Lilah has a case of the 'something new's also). As great as this celebration is, and as sweet as my gifts, I know there is something more. Feeling like it's just human nature, trying to focus on that redeeming gift of a baby thousands of years ago, and looking forward to the day when Jesus comes again. To make things perfect and right and new...for eternity.

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