In that first dark winter, when I ran around adjusting monitors, administering countless medicines, and loading up my toddler, my very sick baby, and an oxygen canister for daily doctor appointments--I thought this day would never come. But, I knew if I could just hang on for 3 years, then this day would come an dI would not be the soul person repsonible for this very challenging little girl. I would day-dream of the day that she would be somewhere else and someone else's responsibility for at least a few hours. Terrible, isn't it? Other parents would tell me about how hard it was to send their child to school and I'd laugh inside. Because I just wanted mine to go. Just go. And not like, Oh I think it'll be so good for her....but more it'll be so good for me.
Back then I felt guilty about wanting to do what was best for me--and totally selfish. Today I am totally confident that Lilah going to school is a great thing for her....because it's a great thing for me to get a break. I know it's uncouth to say you need a break from your child, but it's the truth. One of the differences in having a special needs child is that you, as a parent, are constantly giving (time, emotions, love, physical care, etc) until you run out of things to give. And then you give some more.