Well, I've done it again. Made a complete fool of myself in the radiology department of Children's. The details of the previous times aren't important (although I'm sure they'd be funny if I could remember them), but I will say that they are not a stranger to my tears (or anger, fyi). The other tears have been mostly from horror or sadness or just plain weariness...because there are just some things better left to the (mother's) imagination--like curved spines, or enlarged hearts, or lungs being filled with milk.

Lilah had swallow study today--to see if all liquids were still off limits. She's had 3 before, and failed every one. Not just by a margin either, like F-.

And today, I couldn't even watch. The examiner started with Cheetos (covered in barium, and watched under fluoroscopy) and declared "safe", and I wasn't surprised b/c L can throw down some Cheetos! But then she got cocky and jumped right to water (the most difficult of all), watched her swallow eight times and said "safe, she looks great." Like it was no big deal.

And I started crying and haven't stopped since. It's just too much. I know it doesn't seem like much....more like getting back to where she should be or the natural order of things. But it is and it feels overwhelming to me....like a I can't even take it all in. See, the thing is, we are content with her....with who she is, and how's she's made. Sure, it sucks and it's hard, but we aren't longing for a time when it will get better. It's already so better than we thought it would be. Paul and I know God can heal, it's just that we don't need that to be 'okay'.

So, when something like today happens, it feels absolutely like an unexpected gift. As if someone gave you a hugely lavish gift that you were not even suspecting....like a trip around the world! We are praising the Lord for his unending goodness and love, humbled that He should chose us to be a witness to the miracles of his hands. And toasting all around, with sippy cups of water!!!