One of the hardest parts of being a mom is the loss of freedom, at least for me. I don't remember feeling it at all when I just had Garrett....I was still 'free' to do whatever I wanted (for the most part), it just involved dragging a little one with me. Dinner, the movies, Europe....I could still do whatever I chose...I just chose not to do some things because the trouble outweighed the fun. But, when Lilah came along, it was an entirely different ball game and the realization hit me hard.
It's not that I want to do much differently, it was just the idea that I couldn't, if I wanted, that gets me. The spontaneity is gone and it sometimes makes me feel trapped. It sounds terrible, I know. But there is almost nothing that we do now that doesn't require special forethought or equipment, or is just plain 'not an option'. The beach falls into this later category, I'm afraid. We took Lilah to the beach last summer and it was just a smidge away from a total disaster....the sun, the sand, the heat, and the logistics almost pushed her (and me) over the edge. She hated it and I came home depressed that I was never ever going to be able to go to the beach again my entire life.
But, I did!!! This past weekend, my sweet husband gave me the gift of staying with Lilah while my mom and I took Garrett to the beach. Why did we go to South Carolina at the end of March, you might ask?! I was asking myself the same question as we checked into our hotel and it was 50 degrees and raining. (fyi, the answer is that I thought we shouldn't get any closer to baby #3's arrival) Anyway, the weather perked up (a little) and we had a great time. And Paul and Lilah got along fabulously.