So, I bought this stuff on Amazon called Germ Free 24. It's supposed to create a 'barrier' to germs that last through 10 handwashings. You spray it on and POOF...all your germ worries are solved. Although I do have a penchant for As Sold on TV stuff, I'm not normally one to hop on the gadget bandwagon. That is, I have a heathly bit of skepticism...until it comes to 'Germ Free'. Let me just tell you all....I was clicking 'checkout' before I had even finished reading the product description (because there couldn't possibly be any negative effects to some chemicals that coat your skin despite soap, right?). I was dreaming of anxiety-free trips to the mall and confident mornings in the church nursery...and spraying it on our hands like a wild woman. This is it, I thought. This is how we'll make it through the winter sickness free.
And then, 3 days after our protective bubble was implemented, Garrett came down with a cold, and then a stomach bug, and then croup. Bubble burst.
I'm learning a lot lately about 'control'--both wanting 'to control' and feeling like things are 'in control'. I don't feel like I'm a particularly controlling person (but don't ask my family:), but I still go through waves of it. Especially in the last year. It usually rears it's ugly head when I feel like I can't do it all--that I'm juggling too many plates....having a hard time regulating their speed and height....sure to drop one or all of my figurative plates at any moment. Then I get Crazy with cleaning or list making or germ prevention. Feeling desperate to control what I can.
Then, feeling frustrated to have to re-learn the same lesson over and over, I remember that it's not all up to me. God tugs my heart....reminds me to turn it over, to trust. What I'm learning is that all this 'control'--both what I think I can change and the things that are already 'in place' (family, home, jobs, etc)--is just perceived. Any of it could change in the blink of an eye....as we know too well. I feel like this is one of those things you hear people tell you your whole life, but never really 'get it' until it happens to you. Live in today. Don't take anything for granted. At least that's the stance I'm choosing to take instead of my natural inclination to live in fear of change.
Living in the moment, letting life happen, not trying to plan out the future...I'm learning...is one of the keys to my (relative) sanity. This Thanksgiving was worlds away from last years. We were able to travel, enjoy family, and give thanks for a year of miracles. As I bask in the glow of the calm, I do not take it for granted. And I know, and remind myself, God's love is the only constant...truly unchanging. His plan, however I perceive it, is perfect. And for that, I am most thankful.