I can't believe it's 2010....I signed a check the other day "2002". I can remember when my parents used to do stuff like that and I would think 'they are so old', which, come to think of it, was exactly the look our babysitter gave me:). I can also remember celebrating (as opposed to watching football, which is what I'm doing now) New Years in my 'youth', as if it were some hallowed occasion, when in reality, my life was all about me, in that moment--what did I care what year it was, much less what I had 'accomplished' or 'survived' that year. Anyway, today I definitely feel a 'whew, we made it'.

Here are some year-end thoughts:

1. There is no freakin end to household chores....laundry, dishes, and mess wait for no one!

2. Everyone in this life has misery and sadness and crisis of some sort coming their way...it's prudent to have your 'stuff' together to be able to deal with it.

3. There are people out there that enjoy the pain of running and there are people out there that enjoy the pain of a deep tissue massage. I am in group B. I run only for the mental health and jean size payoff.

4. Time does heal. Not completely, but it definitely dulls the sting and gives you time to learn how cope and prepare.

5. People do not intend to say incredibly hurtful, insensitive things...they just do, mostly without even knowing it. It makes me cringe to think of things that have probably come out of my mouth over the years that have had the same effect.

6. No mess on record holds a candle to 'snow globe from highchair' debacle. I thought 'vomit covering pile of 150 tiny animals' and then, 'playdough in dishwasher' were contenders. Oh no. We are talking water, glitter, and tiny shards of glass for days.

7. Everything in life is relative....everything. That's what makes human relationships so fun/confusing/difficult....every single person comes from a different reality. One person's good is another person's terrible. I'm going to do a documentary following several families and how their situations relate. I'm going to call it "Reality Check" and I can't tell you anymore because the producers are in negotiations. just kidding

8. God has a perfect plan for our lives....and the kicker to me is....it's unchanging. He knows the plans he has for us and they are good plans. This might be total laziness on my part, but I'm clinging to that promise and trying to throw out any plans I might have had--ever. Because, this, this mothering of a child with so many challenges, is beyond any plans I had or could come up with. The comfort of knowing this is the plan of a sovereign, perfectly loving God allows me to lay my head down at night.

9. Apparently my life's calling is shuffling. Not cards. Things. Shuffling all the stuff that belongs to my family to it's appropriate place. You are what you do. I'm a shuffler.

10. 2009 has been a year of miracles, big and small. We are so thankful for sweet, steadfast friends and prayer warriors; for our families, who love and serve our children with such joy; and to our God, who continues to hold us tenderly in the palm of His hand and provide for our every need.

A new year is for taking stock, thinking of where you've been, and where you are going. But the honest truth is, right now I'm not ready to think about the hardness we've been through and fear keeps me from wanting to know where we are going. Today is good enough for me.

Happy 2010!!

We had a great Christmas...celebrated early with Paul's family and spend the week of Christmas in Indiana with my family. The kids, of course, were so fun...and even though we all tried to restrain our gift giving, it was still out of control!:) Here were some of the highlights--

you probably can't tell, but this is garrett "feeding" lilah. he was pretending, and i knew that...but i don't think she did:) look at those faces. the commentary was the best part...G saying 'hold still, sweet girl'

someone has a new trick....pacis, seatbelts, cups, and pirate hooks--all things that are fun to balance on your foot:)

just two babies enjoying some morning juice. except neither one looks much like a baby:( lilah's juice is thickened to the consistency of honey, fyi.

some of my very favorite moments as a mother (or "muda", says Garrett) are when my kids are enjoying each other. try to look past lilah's mullet....i took several well intentioned 'hints' from my "muda" and trimmed it.

I will begin by apologizing if you happened to be shopping in the Newburgh, IN Schnucks grocery store last week. Garrett and I were 'loosely' shopping for somethings in the dairy case when I hear him pass a significant amount of gas and giggle.

I say: 'GARRETT, what was that?'

G: I was just gassin

**silence because i'm too shocked to know what to say and, clearly, a little slow to respond after looking away shocked because.......

when I turn back, precious boy has his pants and underwear down, and his neck craned down to look in said underwear. (remember we are in the middle of the dairy section 2 days before christmas, i.e. not alone).

His gaze caught mine that said "what the bleep are you doing????" and he very calmy replied:

"Checkin for poopy."

I love Christmas...who doesn't right? I love the music, the food, the parties, the cards, the cheer. Everything sparkly, fresh, festive......new. I've thought this year alot about the "something new". It is my 3 year old's mantra--"I want something new". He says it often...rummaging around my purse or looking throughout my car for something else, something new, something different, something more.


The battlecry reached an apex this morning, as Garrett was in his element....riping through presents... "which ones are mine?", "do I have any more?", "I want something new!". Of course, I'm sure this is 'normal' child behavior, something all children do (don't tell me if yours don't)--but it makes my skin crawl! It sounds terrible to hear--makes my hair stand on end(not to mention embarasses me)---and confirms we are raising a spoiled brat.


In all my quiet time, siting in front of my tree, sipping cider with my feet up, and reading my devotional (this is a joke)....I have had a revelation: Garrett is no different than me, just more honest. Because that's why I love Christmas...the 'something new'. Not the new 'things', getting or giving presents. For me, it's the 'perfection'...the decorated houses, the shiny lights, the smiling faces. I know full well it's an illusion, but it draws in me every time. If I'm honest, it's not the celebration of the birth of Jesus (as I know it should be) that's gets me all warm and fuzzy--it's all the trappings. I get caught up in expectations of Christmas in my head. And, just like Garrett, it's never enough. I've recognized this flaw (and many others) within myself for years...trying to focus on what's real. The reason for the season and all that. But, at the end of the day, or the party, or the season, I still feel it. The "I want something new" void. It wasn't quite enough.
And, this is where the revelation part comes,.....that's okay. I think that's how God made us--to have a deep yearning for something more. To know and love the gift of Jesus, but also to thirst for not only 'something new', but for all things new. I recognize that the baby born to save me from my sins was the perfect gift, but it did not make things perfect. And I want perfect. I do, and it's okay. Jesus gives me peace, and joy, and freedom....but there is still a whole lot about this that is no where close to right, not to mention perfect.

And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."...
Revelation 21:5

So, this Christmas, I'm taking it easier on myself and my kids (yes, Lilah has a case of the 'something new's also). As great as this celebration is, and as sweet as my gifts, I know there is something more. Feeling like it's just human nature, trying to focus on that redeeming gift of a baby thousands of years ago, and looking forward to the day when Jesus comes again. To make things perfect and right and new...for eternity.

Mr Garrett came through like a champ! It is over and he's doped up on a little thing called Lortab for 5 days...clearly I had underestimated the pain of removing a non-essential mass of tissue behind your nose. The surgery itself was barely long enough for me to go to the bathroom and as I rounded the corner to recovery I heard a scratchy, but very loud, voice yell "It's like a gun", excitedly! (obviously the pain meds were in full effect and G was feeling right at home, using his 'usually reserved for family-only' non-inside voice....can't imagine where he gets it:)?!). Anyway, the 'gun' was his IV, which quickly came out as a troup of nurses were scurrying around him like he was a diplomat. I am not joking, those women were swooning over those curly blonde locks!

Of course, as soon as I got the little patient home, he promptly barfed all over me, my wool sweater, my hair, the carpet, and his beloved animals. The fun here never ends people!

Sweet Garrett has two "moods"...the first, precious, obedient child keeps me from killing the one that screams "no one can look at me!" About a month ago, with my patience wafer thin, I called the pediatrician with very little history and I just wanted a doctor to see him. Of course when we get there, Garrett's gregarious as can be....sweetly chatting it up with all the nurses, who must be wondering why I have him in don't i have enough visits in there?. G couldn't have been any better of a patient, which again made me seem crazy that I had already told his nurse his only symptom was rottenness that we were there to rule out any illness that would prevent a total crackdown on behavior after Dr Peeden told us he was well, the beatings would begin.

It didn't quit work out that way....He had double, severe infections and one tube was out and the other was clogged (he had PE tubes in may). Dr. actually said that it was 'a wonder he's been sleeping or functioning at all."

The beatings were called off at that point and surgery set for new tubes, with the addition of adenoid removal. After 2 rounds of antibiotics and lots of crankyness, the saving surgery is upon us.

Garrett goes under the knife tomorrow at 9:45. I, ever the multitasker, am wondering if the nurses will let me in to clip his nails, cut his hair, and pop this huge blackhead, that I have been stalking, and bargaining for months, at the base of his nose. tmi, right?