~ BURCH BABIES

2012-01-31T14:49:00.000-05:00

I feel like with 3 kids in the house, we almost always have some 'night time issue'--if I make it through the night to a respectable morning time without getting up at least once, I'm always shocked. One night this week our night time surprise was a midnight visitor. I rolled over in the night and noticed Garrett sleeping beside Paul...he learned a long time ago that he would get a much more welcome invitation from his father's side than mine:).

The next morning, Paul and I woke up to the sound of a baby crying, but no Garrett in our bed (for the record, he has been known to wake Ada in the am, but this was not the case that day). We were practically 'high-fiving' each other as we made the bed...celebrating that he had, on his own, without tears or threats from either side, gone back to his own bed. Parenting success. Yeah for us. We are awesome.

At breakfast, we celebrated the little king....congratulating him on his mature decision to return to his own bed, when he says:
"Oh. I did that because I wet your bed."

Perfect:)

What She Has, Part III

2012-01-26T20:24:00.001-05:00

**just to clarify--none of this is 'new news', we found out Lilah had 1P36 deletion syndrome over three years ago, but chose not to share it at the time.

The news was the worst we had received so far....which is saying a lot, because in the course of the last 4 months, we had gotten some pretty bad news...time and time again. I remember telling a friend that I felt like the sky was falling in, bit by bit--and the news that Lilah had 1P36 deletion syndrome was the final bit. I'm sure everyone is different, but for us, this felt like the worst news we could receive.

Here is why it was far worse for us than any of the other diagnoses we had already been given:

-it was the reason for alllllll the other 'things'....the seizures, the structural anomalies, the low tone, the poor weight gain, the heart disease....they were not mutually exclusive anymore...and their sum seemed greater than the individual parts....and even though we knew they were not going to get better....now we knew.

-this diagnosis came with a slew of new things to worry about that, up until that day, we had not even considered (certain mental retardation, hearing and vision loss, non-verbal communication, etc)--and we already felt very maxed out in the worry department.

--the diagnosis felt like a death sentence....if not literal death, then certainly a death of hope. Up until that day, we still held the slightest hope that she might be 'normal' (very sick, but 'normal'). now, we knew she wouldn't be 'normal'.

We didn't really keep her diagnosis a 'secret', but we definitely did not share it with anyone but close friends and family. I knew we wouldn't keep it private forever, and it was nothing we were ashamed of, we I just needed awhile to process it. I did not want 'it' to be what defined Lilah....before she had a chance to prove all the statistics wrong. I did not want people I had never even met, googling pictures of 1P36 babies and comparing their pictures to my baby.

Most of that seems silly now and I wanted to share because God has written this child a beautiful story....and this is a part of that story. I know that 'what she has' is not 'who she is'....she is the daughter of the King, perfect and pleasing in His sight. I hope Lilah's life is and will continue to be an encouragement to others.

What She Has, Part II

2012-01-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

And so...I studied the pictures of the kiddos with the syndrome I'd found on the internet, begging the Lord that this was not "it"and quietly knowing it was.

We went to the pediatrician the next morning and dealt with the constant health housekeeping of those days--adjustments of medicines and oxygen, coordinating services and physicians--and I was a nervous wreck the whole time, trying to get up the nerve to ask:

"So, about that genetic test you had run...have you heard?"

Our doctor said he was sure it was fine, but would call Children's and see if the results were in yet.

He came back in the room, nearly weeping, and said:

"Mr and Mrs Burch, I'm so so sorry. Lilah has 1P36 deletion syndrome."

Paul, at that point was clueless about the implications of that diagnosis and I was, between sobs, sputtering an obscene amount of knowledge about this condition....rambling on about all the symptoms I had read about the night before.

Heart disease, heart deformities, seizures, hypotonia, loss of vision, scoliosis, loss of hearing, lung disease, significant gross motor impairments, fine motor impairments, inability to communicate, and...severe cognitive impairments.

By God's grace we were able to reassure our sweet friend and doctor that we weren't going to drive off the Henley Street Bridge.

Part III later....

What She Has

2012-01-22T15:03:00.001-05:00

The short backstory is: when Lilah was admitted to the ICU (the first time) and her cardiologist (who we had never met) met us up there (on a Saturday) to tell us that she not only had an ASD (hole), but also a VSD (another hole), and LVNC (something wrong with the muscle)....I knew right then and there that she had a syndrome. Because of my background in speech therapy, I knew that a child doesn't present with more than one structural anomaly by "chance" (usually). I think I blacked out at that point, because I only remember tiny bits of the next few days.

Anyway, a couple of months went by and we never pursued a 'diagnosis' because we were, literally, busy trying to keep her alive. But, the Lord had provided a pediatrician for her who also 'happened' to be a genetic specialist and he knew exactly what to look for--so, he had specialized labs run for a specific syndrome during one of Lilah's hospital stints. He did not tell us what the syndrome was he was looking for, only that the labs had been sent.

I am nothing if not practical and direct, which I say because the next part of the story is highly unlike me. I am not prone to imaginative fears, or intuition, or any kind of 6th sense. I do not Google unknown quantities-- 'number to pizza place', yes --'causes of a cough', no. But, the night before a scheduled doctor visit (at this point we went 2x/week), I was laying in bed unable to sleep, and thought I'd surf the web. :) I typed what I thought were her biggest 3 symptoms into the search bar and the first thing that resulted was the name of some syndrome I'd never heard of--and a picture of a child that looked an awfully lot like Lilah.

You'll have to come back for Part II, because I just heard the princess chuck her glowworm out of her crib--which, in Lilah-speak, means "mommy, get in here now!!". Duty (& privilege) call. More soon....

Valentines

2012-01-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

If you are looking for the perfect gift for someone you love, or from someone you love....I have it! I got these for Christmas and, I'm not kidding, I think they are the best gift I've ever gotten (except my engagement ring!). They are giant, professional, wooden photos of my babes and they are gorgeous in person. Seriously, works of art! Look how pretty:

Check them out here.

Sisters

2012-01-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

My favorite moments as a mom are watching my children together. I have no idea why, but it's just the sweetest thing ever. ~~Sometimes~~ a lot of times, it makes me sad to watch Lilah with her siblings, because it's so obvious that she's in her little world--but most of the time, I love peaking around the corner to capture glimpses like this:

These sweet sisters love each other and one another's company. They are always right on top of each other, sometimes to the point of annoyance for one or the other--which especially cracks me up.:)

Someone stealing pacis or pulling hair, ignites huge crocodile tears from the other, but they make up with giant, slobbery kisses:).

2012-01-18T07:37:00.000-05:00

This one is cute.

And she knows it!

Happy MLK

2012-01-17T07:26:00.002-05:00

I think MLK would be proud, because somewhere in the South, a little boy not only believes that the races are equal, but that black is superior to white. America, we've come along way.

The boy is, of course, mine and, at 5 years old, he says his biggest dream is to be African American. This cracks me up every time. Garrett is not at all joking, and after a month of his father and I explaining how God makes skin in a rainbow of colors (and with the exception of Michael Jackson, you pretty much are what you are), he's just now starting to realize his dream will never come true. Sigh.

On a side note, the fact that it has taken 4 weeks of almost daily conversation to explain something like this is overwhelming to me as a parent.

G has said so many hillarious things on the subject that I don't even know where to start. It pretty much goes without saying that this whole thing stems from an obsession with basketball, because everything does. I've told you all that bball is life around here right now, and I'm not kidding. Someone asked him over to play the other day and Garrett looked them square in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, but you know how busy I am with basketball." I bet you are not surprised to know that my ~~basketball~~ sports knowledge would not fill up a post-it note, but in the few ESPN clips and Youtube videos I've watched with my little fan, it's not hard to imagine how he would equate dark skin with skill.

Garrett's favorite player

That's the beauty of youth....he calls things like he sees them...free of predjudice or any preconcieved ideas....free of fear of offense or political correctness. He can say anything he wants (within reason), and the boy says he wants to be black. "Without stamps." (fyi, this is 5 year old speak for 'tattoos')

Here are a few other doozies of the last month,

"When I grow up, can I be African American?"

"I don't want us to adopt a brother, because he'd be african american and I wouldn't."

"Mommy, did you used to be African American?"

"I was hoping and thinking that when I got to slap the players hands before the game, I'd turn black."

"Daddy, will you draw me as an african american?"

"How about I go to Africa and get my skin painted?"

Lets out the biggest sigh I've ever heard and says, "I guess my dream is never going to come true."

Love that boy!! He's pure and innocent (except for all the times he's sinful and disobedient:). I'm really, really thankful to raise children in this day and age instead of one before and hopeful that their children will never know a day of discrimination or inequality.

2012-01-15T20:23:00.000-05:00

Look what I came across today...a picture of Ya, exactly 3 years ago today. She was fresh out of surgery for her G-tube placement and this was the first "real" smile that Paul and I felt like we had seen from Lilah (and, of course, it was for her daddy!).
One of the things that never ceases to make an impression on me, is the simultaneous 'good' and 'bad' (happy and sad, blessing and burden, etc) along this road--and this picture is no different. It's heartbreaking seeing her so skinny (she was 6 months) and remembering such a hard time, but it's also a great reminder of the darkness from which the Lord has delivered us.

2012-01-12T07:21:00.000-05:00

Are these the sweetest hands you've ever seen, or what? Tiny, little, rounded finger hands that are slow and delicate....I could seriously sit and watch her hands in action. Lilah's hands still have baby dimples and, because she doesn't use them as much as a typical kid, they are baby soft and smooth.
She loves to wash her hands--which is about the way it works, because it is the hardest thing to do with her. Her balance is too poor to sit on the counter and lean over and she's not tall enough to reach the sink from her wheelchair (yet). So, I brace one foot on a step stool, have her straddle my leg, brace her ribcage with my elbows, and squeeze her little hands open with my thumbs....and turn the water on with my teeth (kidding). And the other 50 times a day she get her hands cleaned with a washcloth in her chair.:)
We are cherishing this sweet miracle girl more than ever lately...what a gift she is!

2012-01-08T21:16:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it...the feeling that wherever we go people are looking at us. I know, I sound incredibly "junior high", but come with me sometime and you'll see. When we take Lilah anywhere in her wheelchair, the sea of people part and everyone does a double take...trying to figure out what's up with this sweet little girl in a wheelchair. I can almost see the thoughts in their head, "oh. is she? well, maybe? i don't know. poor little thing." Because while she doesn't look obviously disabled, she is starting to look less and less 'normal', if only because she doesn't engage with those around her.

I'm pretty sure it's not all in our minds, because we aren't sensitive about Lilah or her wheelchair. I know people mean well, that their stares are curious and genuine, not at all judgmental...but it still makes us feel, well, watched. And, somedays, I just want to fade in the background...not having strangers study my family's every move.

I am guilty of it too. Months ago, when I was leaving the mall, I saw a young man in a chair and he was leaving alone. I watched him head toward his truck and was so darn curious about how that was going to work that I couldn't quit staring. I watched, like a stalker, eyeing this man's every move. And, then I sat there in my car and wept, because, while he managed to get in his truck, attach his chair to a lift, and swing it into the truck bed, it wasn't an easy deal...he'd had to work so hard to just get 'in his vehicle'.

Anyway, my point is, that's why people stare...they are curious. And, it's not bad....I think it must be an encouragement to see such a little thing, usually with a smile on her face, trying to push herself around. (fyi, if you are a starer, please smile at my child). And surely, they are a bit more thankful for so many things that they take for granted. So, as with many other things along this journey, I'm just going to have to grow thicker skin, and not leave my house without my lipstick.:)

Someone's Famous

2012-01-08T07:28:00.000-05:00

A wise photographer spotted the cutest boy ever, in the front row of the TN/FL basketball game this weekend. This picture was in their online sports pages and taken during the national anthem.

I'm pretty sure there is not a bigger fan....Garrett is obsessed!! He wears that exact outfit every day (i'm not kidding--the only break in almost 2 months has been christmas eve service and it was a battle). He eats, lives, breaths basketball. Everything he does revolves around playing, watching, talking about, or suiting up for the game.

2012-01-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

We have been keeping Lilah's "walker" (which is really a standing wheelchair) at school. Unfortunately it's super heavy and awkward to get in the car and, although it breaks down into smaller pieces, that wasn't very realistic for everyday. She can't stay in it as long as her wheelchair and she really needs both at school, so we just transport her wheelchair everyday.

We brought it home for Christmas break and have been so glad to see Lilah's progress. I sure wouldn't say she's 'walking', but she likes the positioning in this better than her wheelchair and she's more motivated and faster to move in it. Most importantly she's happier for a little longer in this than her chair.

Lilah pushes herself around with the wheels, just like a wheelchair, but it positions her upright, so that she can theoretically bear weight on her legs (which she does very little). The challenge has been finding a good spot to use it. It has a very big 'footprint', so even though she is little, she bangs around the house in it, getting frustrated quickly with doorways and cabinets--even though our house is very handicap friendly.

Wishing we lived closer to Papa, so that we could take her to his school gym this winter. Thankfully, she gets to have some wide-open space at school!

New Years Resolutions

2012-01-02T10:15:00.000-05:00

I always do these, but this year I'm feeling rather un-inspired. I'd like to lose my baby weight but that feels super cliche, so I'm not even going to make it a resolution. Surely, it'll be gone by 2013, right?? :) I looked back on my last years resolutions and give myself a B+, if only because I at least touched upon working on those resolutions.
In fact, maybe I'll just re-resolve those things, with a few tweaks.

1. this is the year for +more+ organics. i'm going to memorize the list of "dirty dozen" items and at least always buy those and dairy (is that on there?), which I already do, in organic.

2. try to start getting in some early morning workouts--this makes to tired to even type, so that's all I have to say about that.

That's it. Hope you are feeling more motivated than I am in 2012:). Happy New Year!!!

A Year in Review

2012-01-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of kidding, because I can barely remember what happened yesterday, much less all year. But, I guess that's part of the reason I keep this blog:). I looked back over the last year and a lot of stuff has happened--deep, I know. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don't find myself saying "it's flown by"....I have no idea why, but it seems like it's been a long year--not bad, at all, just long.

Here are some highlights....
1. ADA!! by far the biggest highlight:) Can't believe I was pregnant with her last year and we didn't even know she was a 'she'. Love her little heart so much and cannot imagine our family before her. She is full of personality and it's so fun to think about who she'll be this time next year.

2. Lilah learned to sit up on her own. This was last March and it has really increased her independence--it's so hard for me to imagine before she could do this. I get discouraged all the time about the 'tiny 2 steps forward, one-step back' deal with her development...but she really has changed so much in the last year. She's much bigger and generally more healthy (from a virus standpoint). Lilah is so much more mobile (in various ways) than she was a year ago.

3. Garrett gave up his paci (ok, we took it away). This is hilarious to me.....can't believe he was still using it a year ago. He is such a big boy (but still so little) that it's hard to imagine--pretty sure basketball players (which is what he thinks he is) don't use pacis!

4. Lilah started school. This has been the biggest blessing for me. I adore her teacher and the aides....they are such a great mix of loving and challenging. She loves them too, looks forward to going, and is generally much happier afterwards.

There were other things...like that Paul started driving a company minivan (hehe) and I read all three Hunger Games books in a week, but those didn't really seem worthy of numbering:). Burch family life is, as usual, the pinnacle of excitement--that's how we like it. Above all, we are thankful for a great year...thankful for health, wealth, and happiness in all the ways that count and far beyond what we deserve. Thank you Lord, for a blessed 2011.

2011-12-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

Celebrating the birth of our Savior King!! Wishing you the Merriest Christmas!!

Elf on the Shelf

2011-12-19T13:42:00.001-05:00

This little guy has a cult-like following....children and parents alike going gaga over a tiny Christmas doll. If you are unfamiliar with The Elf on the Shelf, you can read about him here; the basic premise is that he watches kids during the day and at night flies to the North Pole to report to Santa, returning to the child's home and getting into mischief in the wee hours of the morn.

Our elf, Ging-E does not monitor behavior (Garrett is too cunning for threats and knows full-well he will be getting gifts Christmas morning) and does not get into any trouble, because he does not clean up after himself. This momma does not have time to be sweeping up powdered sugar from an 'elf-angel' gone wrong. I could have written this.

Ging-E enjoys calm activities in the night: TV, board games, and manger scenes.

It is a really fun (just as much for the parents) tradition and yet another way that I'm eating my words on this journey of parenthood-- I made serious fun of these little creatures when I first heard of them:).

2011-12-17T13:41:00.001-05:00

Just like the rest of America, we've been decking the halls this month....scurrying around like crazy trying to get all the "things" of December done. As if I needed any more reasons to adore my mother, I am realizing in new ways all that she did to 'go the extra mile' during Christmas (my dad too, but let's face it....it's the women that do most of the work, or at least spend most of the time thinking, planning, and organizing all that needs to be done, which is most of the battle, I think).

Just for the record....we do not put out gifts till Christmas morn. These are for family:)

I love it, but it sure is hard work being Santa. Santa is somewhat disorganized and scatterbrained (shocking, I know) and was even spotted in the return lines early this year.....bringing back a gift she bought in duplicate:).

2011-12-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

You know how all little boys love their mommas?? Adore might be a better word and I enjoyed a very good run of adoration from my oldest. Being queen was fun while it lasted, but I have been de-throwned. It's been a gradual process since the age of 3--as it should be--every day, Garrett studying and imitating Paul instead of me.

As with most little ones, Garrett has gone through phases of ~~likes~~ obsessions: balls and then trucks, cars and then animals, superheros and then legos. And then, one day...out of what seemed like the clear blue, it was basketball. And boy, is it basketball. Garrett is 'all in'---it is all he does, dribbling that little ball until I think my teeth are doing to fall out of my head...talking about practice and layups and copying celebratory chest bumps, while I nod my head and say "that's great" about 600 times (I am lucky to match the ball with the correct sport).

About 6 weeks ago, Garrett put two and two together that his daddy used to play basketball for the Vols (Paul walked on the team his junior and senior years) and.....OH.MY.HEAVENS!!!! The joy and awe in that little boy's eyes for Paul is about the sweetest thing ever. And so, there is a new king in town and it's the real-life basketball player:). G has peppered Paul with countless questions, begged for basketball bedtime stories, and even accompanied him to a few games. When the girls and I are lucky, we get to be the announcer or the cheerleaders (a vision, I assure you), but most of the time, we are just fans--a role we are both well suited for and comfortable with being.

Watching some game footage

Circus

2011-12-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

My dad and I took Garrett to the circus over Thanksgiving. I'm not sure who was more excited--me, or my dad. I don't list Garrett as a possible 'excitee' because I bought the tickets and told him afterwards. He declared he wasn't going, which is par for the course with him....if it's new and/or not his idea, he's not having it. I practically had to beat him to get him in the car, which is one of those hilarious parental moments where you feel ridiculous because you find yourself saying, "I don't care if you want to go see a bear riding a motorcycle or not--we are going to the circus and we are going to have fun. If it kills us". Ok, so I didn't say that exactly, but you get the drift.

Tiger on a Stick. Such an important part of the circus experience.

It ended up being fabulous and we all had a great time. I cried when it started because I was overwhelmed with the excitement....the lights, the costumes, the bear wearing a skirt (I loved the bears)...a sure indication that I need to get out more.:) Another thing I learned about myself via The Bigtop was that I've crossed over---I can no longer watch death-defying acts and enjoy them for entertainment sake. I was a nervous wreck the whole time that chick let some motorcycle-man spin her around at 30 mph at a hundred feet in the air, hanging by her toes. By the time they shot the 80yr old man from a cannon, I was done--which was convenient because momma was broke!

$8 bag of cotton candy. Gone in 8 minutes.

2011-12-09T06:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows denial is one of the first steps of grief. When Lilah was first diagnosed, Paul and I were pretty sure we had skipped over that step. We knew and accepted her limitations and the impact it would have on our family, or so we thought. But, we didn't really know or fully accept all that the cluster of medical terms thrown at us would look like, because......well, we were in denial--which isn't all bad. Because, I was about to crack the way it was--each day bringing all I could bear, without the full knowledge of the road ahead.

One thing I was sure of, in those early days, is that I did not want my life, or my family's life to be defined by this--a sick child. It would always be part of us, I knew...but not who we were, I thought.

As the days, months, and now years (thankyou, Lord) go by, I realize I was wrong on both accounts (*Paul* I told you I could say I was wrong) . We were in denial and it 'is' (having Lilah) who we are.

Because of my background, I had more of an idea than most about the implications---having a special needs child would affect a lot of things....where we lived, what we drove, what schools we chose. But, I did not realize it would affect every.little.thing....there is almost no aspect of family life that is not impacted differently than it would be if Lilah were "neuro-typical" (did you know this is one of the PC terms for non-normal? I speak a new language these days...turns out all that space I didn't think my brain had for higher level French was being saved for this). I am sitting here frozen at my computer trying to come up with examples that don't sound lame--laundry, car-trips, dinner, shopping, visiting friends. None of those get at the fact that Lilah's care, her limitations, her likes and dislikes weigh into every decision we make. The burden of these things and worries over her future can rest around our shoulders like a lead balloon.

We decorated our tree last week...made a big deal about getting, bringing in, and lighting a giant Christmas bush. In my mind, our children would be gathered on the floor, under the lights, as Paul and I sang carols. Don't laugh. The reality included the Backyardigans blaring and Lilah chewing on the cords of lights--and I snapped. I turned off the beloved cartoon and yanked the lights out of her reach...bellowing about how I was sick and tired of every frickin family event occurring with "we're your best friends the Backyardigans" as the theme song--putting an abrupt end to all merriment for everyone. It was good times. Merry Merry.

Like I said; this is who we are. Like it or not (hate it), we are the family that watches TV to get thru family meals, that skips more events than we attend because it's too much trouble, and that carries more worries and what-ifs than we care to count.

Every few months, it--the magnitude of all that having a child like Lilah means--hits me. And I get all down and crabby. Morose and, well, if I'm honest,....angry and full of self-pity. This is not at all what I want for my life, not to mention my daughter's or the rest of my family. I just want to be normal (this, btw, is a lie--there is no normal).

They're best friends.....my backyardigans:)

But, it's who we are--good and bad. We are the family that appreciates each day, that rejoices in little moments, and that is raising some truly incredible children (by no merit of our own). Paul and I are better people because all we've been through. We are thankful and do enjoy life much more the ship we're on--sometimes it feels like the Titanic, but I'm pretty sure it's the Queen Mary. And besides, there is no switching mid-voyage, so we might as well break out the champagne.

Half Birthday

2011-12-06T07:31:00.000-05:00

My baby is 6 months old. Love her heart...she is feisty, and curious, and generally very good natured. Ada is also sharp as a tack, knows how to get what she wants, and is on the fast track to becoming the most rotten Burch baby. Cant imagine the days before that precious smile....

Modeling her new winter hat...thanks Granny:)

She's sitting, nearly crawling, and has 1.2 teeth

Art Appreciation

2011-11-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

You know how they say "be careful what you wish for?"...well, I'm living it out around here in the area of crafts. When I was working, I loved crafts. I used seasonal crafts as activities to target all kinds of speech and language goals. It was great. Organzied. Orderly. And controlled. By me. Just how I like it:).

I always envisioned doing such crafts with my kids. And then I had a boy and he would not sit still for .2 seconds and any talk from me about paints, colors, or glue was ignored. I only had one child then and I thought sitting around painting and taping sounded like great fun, and an excellent way to pass the time--an alternate to exploring every blade of grass and pinecone--which is what Garrett wanted to do all the livelong day. And then Miss Lilah came along...she loves crafts, but her joy for eating the materials outweighs her love of production and I usually run out of steam after I have to dig crayon wax out of her teeth.

Now I'm too busy trying to keep everyone alive and fed and stuff like that. And when I wasn't looking....just when I least suspected it, as Garrett says.....I have a little craftsman on my hands. It happened overnight--one morning about 2 months ago, he woke up and wanted to draw--and it hasn't stopped since. It was awesome. For about a week. And then I started to get increasingly aggitated about the crafting supplies and post-production stuff always laying about. I know, terrible. I'm Type A like that....I hate things lying around. I justify it by saying that if I wasn't ~~a raving lunatic~~ 'on top of it', the Burch household would be the next Horders episode. Who knows how many dead cats they'd find under piles of masterpieces, scraps of tape, and broken crayons???

Anyway, Garrett creates, like 10, "things" at home every day...pictures, models, letters, paintings. And he also comes home with at least 4 from school 4 days a week. Needless to say, I've had to start "thinning out" the production. Proud momma I am, but seriously....how many of these can you keep?

Well, of course, the little rascal is on to me. "Where is that teepee I drew for Daddy? I left it right here", he'd say. I started by playing dumb, shrugging my shoulders and looking the other way. But, then he found something in the trash. Busted. "Why did you throw my letter to Jonathan away?" he said. I did what anyone would do, lied like a dog and said it was an accident.

I'll be darned if he hasn't started checking the trash when he can't find something. So, if you live in my neighborhood and see me sneaking my trash into yours, you know what's up.

2011-11-24T21:14:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving! My cup overflows....too many blessings to count, literally. All that I have and all that I am, thanks be to God.

Here are the things in the front of my mind as I think of all I have to be grateful for:

--my turkeys. each so different and all so special. garrett, lilah, and ada have stretched my mind, heart, and body (haha) in ways I didn't know were possible or that I needed.

--my husband...love him so much and am really thankful to run this race of life with such a great partner.

--family and friends....we are blessed with both, and most are equally friends and family. it takes a village to make it and we have been blessed with a beautiful village.

--to live in this great country where freedom is the normal

--that I take less and less for granted as the years go by....I am learning that nothing I know or love is guaranteed--except God's promises.

We are in happiness and wonder with the ways He has blessed our family. May we remain thankful in all things in the year ahead. Wishing you full bellies and warm hearts!

thanksgiving

2011-11-23T15:19:00.000-05:00

I told you all I was addicted to Pintrest, right? It started out great because I spend a lot of time in front of the computer, believe it or not...but only with one hand, as the other is holding a baby or a feeding tube. My love affair with the site, where you can mark pictures of things you find interesting, is becoming a bit of a love/hate relationship--because it is making me feel very inadequate.

Pintrest is full of 'how to's on everything you can think of---make your own soap, 101 homemade christmas ideas, original teacher gifts, recipes, handcrafted this, that, and the other. I love stuff like that. Scratch that. I love the idea of stuff like that. But when it comes down to it, the process of learning, getting, and doing all the steps involved in making an 'oragami turkey that swoops down over your thanksgiving table proclaiming a blessing' is overwhelming to me. (Ok, I made that one up, but you get the idea).

Pressure, people, pressure.

I took the bait and decided to try a simpler craft that would preserve the sweet handprints of my babies for posterity. Here are the steps:

1. go to Hobby Lobby for supplies. find paint aisle. become overwhelmed with varieties of 'brown', and 'washable' and leave store with a multipack what contains neither. get canvases. leave store and realize I forgot to use my 40% coupon.

2. tell family the plan. i'm not totally positve they weren't excited, but let's just say, i didn't hear any cheers.

3. get supplies ready. mix paints on paper plate to create perfect brown (not easy). realize i have no paintbrush--use baster from

kitchen.

4. decide i should start with garrett and would need an assistant (paul)

5. bribe both.

6. lose my holiday cheer with both.

7. paint hands in order of age

8. have a glass of wine (should have moved this up in the order)

9. vow to quit looking at Pintrest

2011-11-18T20:00:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is upon us and nothing says holidays to me like...wait for it.....Starbucks. I'm spiritual like that. It's not just a $4 coffee, it's a feeling--like it's snowing, and you live in NYC, and you are shopping in the Macy's, and you're in love, and it's Christmas Eve, and it's exciting, and.....oh.....just me?? Well, anyway, Fourbucks (as my husband likes to call it) has some great drinks and I feel like it's my civic duty to provide you with this friendly PSA: 1/2 Holiday Drinks from 2-5 until Nov 20!!! That's incredible, it's like getting a drink for only double what it should cost.

I had the Skinny Peppermint Mocha, which was like liquid cheer (not to be confused with liquid courage) and delightful, although not nearly as good as the definately-not-skinny Salted Caramel Thingy the hubs got. I can't wait to go back tomorrow....when I'll save 4 more dollars:). Capitalism at it's finest (a good thing).

2011-11-18T12:11:00.000-05:00

I am fairly brave and have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I have a major chink in my armor (besides my kids)....the dentist. I am very, very afraid of the dentist. The dentist and the movie "It"--scariest things out there. I get the gas for cleanings. Not kidding.

I'm not sure if my fear started when my childhood dentist snipped my frenulum (the piece of skin under your front lip) to get my front teeth to grow together (pretty sure this is something witch doctors do) or when he pulled 7 of my baby teeth so that he could put braces in my tiny mouth in 5th grade!!!, or the time that another dentist hit a nerve while drilling and I literally levitated from the chair 2 feet.

Anyway, I'm scared. Which is why it's unfortunate that I experienced a minor toothache, that led me to the dentist, and an x-ray, and a diagnosis of "ROOT CANAL". I might have cried. In the office. Like a 5 year old. Then I swiftly walked to the car, so I could call my husband and cry like a baby.

Because he's my hero, he went by my dental office and ~~paid-off~~ arranged the dentist (who is a very good friend) to see me on Friday so 1) I could get it over with, and 2) I wouldn't embarrass myself in an office full of regular non-scaredy-cats. The only problem was that there would be no office staff, so Paul would have to be the assistant, and hand him the tools.:).

I survived it and learned a few things.

1. "sedatives" work.
2. their effects are not immediate and might leave one still nervous in the chair and yet like a tranquilized zoo animal after the fact.
3. 2 is enough.
4. an unskilled assistant might suck up your uvula with the hose intended to suck up sawed-up tooth and spit...and it feels like your brain is coming out the bottom.
5. there is a place you can go and be put completely asleep for dental procedures--it's called the hospital and I'm going to look into it. I'm pretty sure my dentist will be relieved:)

2011-11-14T20:26:00.001-05:00

Look at this girl....so proud! Lilah loves Ada's exersaucer--she's probably only 2 feet and 20 pounds too big for it, but that doesn't stop her. It's an Act of Congress getting her dangly little legs into it, and pulling her out of it probably doesn't help our back issues....but look at that face...who could say no??? Love her.

2011-11-14T07:57:00.000-05:00

I haven't written lately because I am devoid of logical thoughts...I'm tired and my last remaining brain cells after pregnancy #3 have now left the building. (my other excuses are: i've been busy playing with my new phone and I am a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d to Pintrest). It is no wonder "they" use sleep deprivation as a form of torture in war--it is real and powerful.

I've told you all: I'm much more laissez-faire with Ada than with the other two (not that I was that uptight with them either). I do not have the time or energy to get that worked up over anything, even sleep. Example: when I'm up with her for the [insert # here] time of the night, I'm thinking in my head: must get this child sleep trained or shouldn't have let her fall asleep in the car 3 times today or we've got to get her out of our room...but then, by my second cup of coffee, I've forgotten all about it and can't even remember how we slept the night before. And then it's a new ~~day~~ ~~week~~ month.

A few weeks ago, my kids got the croup and it has been a downward spiral of nighttime peace ever since. Humidifiers, saline, Advil, bulb syringes, taking children outside to breathe cool air, setting off the alarm in the middle of the night, the coughing...yada, yada. Armies of small people needing rocking, or milk, or clean sheets. There were several nights where Paul and I were literally passing each other in the halls, headed to different rooms--you'd think we have 10 kids, or are running a boarding school.

Anyway, they recovered from what ailed them--and then--the time change. Don't even get me started on the time change. While the rest of the free world is boasting about gaining an hour of sleep, I'm wondering how to bribe my children into not waking me up at what is now 5:30.

Speaking of, I knew someone once who brewed their coffee in the bathroom, after walking down the hall on pillows, in attempts to keep from waking up his kids. Funny stuff.

2011-11-02T08:32:00.000-04:00

my little cat before school

the yearly costume line-up...we were missing a hamburger, Buzz, and a golfer...but we had a bee, Anikin Skywalker, a bat, Darth Vader, a ghostbuster, a cat, princess leia, a duck, a fairy, tinkerbell, and a butterfly!!!

princess leia and my little duck Ada, and tinkerbell

was Paul not the best Abe??

Pre-trick-or-treating with my parents.

Halloween was great! We had so much fun dressing up and seeing all the other kids (and adults) in costume. I love that Halloween is so festive here...

2011-10-29T15:27:00.001-04:00

You all will be happy to know the Burch family is back to eating out--in restaurants (kind of), that is. Actually, we've only tried a few...b/c eating out with 3 children is a risky proposition. But--as you may know--an important part of our family culture. When I met Paul, he was 30 and single (obviously) and had not eaten a meal in his house...well, maybe ever. The first time I looked in his fridge, I was scared. It had tulip bulbs and 2 European beers. And butter. Anyway, the man likes to eat out. We eat most meals at home these days, but still 'out' a good bit--b/c Paul has found a partner in crime in his oldest child.

Littons is Garrett's favorite (well, it was an Indian restaurant, but after they failed 2 health inspections, I dropped the hammer on eating there. we are at the hospital enough as it is) and we went last night. Lilah makes meals out tricky enough...b/c you have to have a supply of fake cheese snacks for her and your iPhone battery charged (so she can watch YouTube)....but adding Ada to the mix has upped the ante for sure. Just getting out the door is a challenge--pacis, toys, diapers, bitter biscuits. It's a lot of pressure if you are a girl scout like me--I like to be prepared!

Which is why, when we pulled in the parking lot to get out, I realized I was wearing this:

halloween fashion. far-east style.

Dinner went well, if you don't count 2 trips to the bathroom, a few threats, ketchup on Ada's face, and a full styrofoam cup of water that "someone" sawed in-half with his steak knife. The burgers were great. I think.:)

2011-10-27T20:52:00.000-04:00

Parenthood is full of emotions, and, I think, parenting a child with so many struggles, even more so. Paul and I always say, the highs and lows are, somehow, much more intense. You expect, whether you know it or not, a typical child to do new things....they are constantly changing--nothing surprises you about what kids are capable of doing.

But, with Lilah...not so much. Months go by where she, literally, does not do anything 'new'--where she just 'ooches', bit by bit, closer to a goal that was meant to be achieved over a year ago. And, it is not uncommon for her to lose one skill as she gains another. New abilities are so slowly arrived upon that they are almost old news by the time she gets them--there is hardly ever an 'ah-ha' moment, if that makes any sense.

But today, we had a big one. "Ahhhhh-Haaaaa". You could see it in her face...a light bulb flashing. Quickly and clearly. And she moved. From across the room, to her Cheetos, on the shelf under the bar. And it was the closest thing to effortless I've ever seen her do (unless you count swiping her sister's paci). It was beauty.

Lilah got her stand-up walker today. Seeing her in it absolutely un-did me....I cried like a baby. (I would say I felt bad for the equipment guy, but he's used to me by now) So happy for her to have the tiniest bit more freedom of movement. So glad to see her body upright, stretched and tall (relatively), as it should be. Hopeful that she may gain a little independence in her ability to explore the world. But (and there is always a but), also an incredible sadness. It breaks my heart to see her in any 'contraption'....to know that it takes all that (bracing, brackets, metal, padding, etc) so that my little girl can even hold her body up in space. It sucks that everything is so darn hard for her. And there is nothing worse in the world than seeing the look in her eyes that lets me know she 'gets it'....she knows she's different and she's frustrated. I hate that the most--that she is smart enough to know her body and mind do not work as they should.

One of the Lord's great provisions in this rocky trail is that, at the end of most days, no matter the events or trials, we are thankful. Thankful for this precious child and all the ways that our family is stretched and strengthened and blessed by who she is and how she loves. Thankful that, by His grace, she has all that she needs (medicines, therapies, equipment, doctors, etc). Thankful that we made it through the day and hopeful for the next. And Hope is where it's at. Well, that and Faith. And of course, Love.
Check, check, double check.

2011-10-23T20:33:00.000-04:00

I hesitate to tell you this story (shocker, I know) because I think it just makes me look (more) crazy, but then I figured y'all already knew most of my crazy...so here it goes. It's cold weather season again and I dread it for many reasons, the least of which not being that I live with a small child capable of making an entire household miserable over seasonally appropriate clothing. I know, right? How many posts can I write about how Garrett hates cold weather clothes? Well, this one is about shoes.

Last year, I let him wear flip flops in the snow. Not all the time. But sometimes. Playing the 'I'm not going to make a mountain out of a molehill' parenting car. Then I realized the joke was on me, because, while I think forcing the issue on clothing is usually a lose-lose battle....allowing your 4 year old to essentially go barefoot in the cold might be a one-way ticket to an appearance on Super Nanny. And, I am afraid it might lead to me looking back 10 years later, saying "It all started there. With the flip-flops. That's when I lost control. The tattoo, earring, and hoochie girlfriend are all my fault.".

So this year, I've laid out the boundaries and have let Garrett know that the flip flops are being put away until summer...as soon as it gets cold. Luckily for him, we have bipolar weather and he's been rockin the flops though mid-October. Two weekends ago, we set out on a family adventure to purchase a new pair of winter shoes. (This is where I start to look crazy). I have no idea why we all went. We are just exciting like that. Oh, wait.....I do know. The last time I let Paul buy him footwear, this is what he came home with.

uggliest shoes ever

Anyway, I'll set the scene: New Balance. !6 year old employee who I feel certain will never have s.e.x. for fear that she will end up like us. One crying baby. One child picking her nose and grabbing shoes to eat as we wheel her past the displays. And one 5-yr-old cowering behind his father, as if in fear of tennis shoes. I am not kidding--he literally cried because he did not like any of them. So, we said we'd try another place. No big deal. Lots of shoes in the sea.

We hop in the car (you would laugh at this phrase if you'd ever seen Burch Party of 5 load up to go somewhere) and I start in on "children in Africa have no shoes. they are thankful", which totally backfired because G said, "you mean they get to go barefoot all the time?", as if that would be mecca. Not exactly what I was going for with that lesson:(. Three shoe stores and 2 very angry parents later, we abandoned the mission and headed home. All the shoes were 'too tight', 'too big', 'not handsome' , or 'not fast'. He did find a few that he liked, which the team vetoed (i.e., black, light-up, DarthVader).

Then, after beating my head on the wall and calling my mother to ask what I'd done wrong, I remembered my own personal love affair with Zappos. So, I ordered the little darling 9 pairs of shoes that I deemed acceptable. They were all rejects. Not kidding. He.would.not.accept.a.single.pair.of.the.new.shoes.!!!!!!! Then, like any stupid, blinded-by-first-born-child-love mother would do, I ordered 'round 2' of shoes from Zappos. I'm leaving out a lot of the gory details in between here...but you can imagine....tears, yells, power struggles, apologizes, vows to change behavior (by all parties involved).

The end goes something like this....box #2 arrives, G declares before opening it that he doesn't like any of them and I throw down the ultimatum and vow to chose for him. He wants to know which one I will chose, so, clearly, he can chose the opposite. And, we end up with the exact same darn pair we've had for the last 4 years, except bigger. Two weeks, several stores, hundreds of dollars on my credit card, and an ulcer and he choses the same pair!!

Suckered and out-controlled by a 5-year-old again!

The flops are gone....and the meltdowns over shoes (and pants, and sweatshirts) have begun. Is it spring yet?

2011-10-17T20:11:00.000-04:00

My precious little Ada spits up. A lot. All day. It's like a Dr Suess book...she spits up on the floor, in the car, on the bar. Ada pukes here, there, and everywhere. It's ok. I honestly don't care. I'm not sure if I'm so beaten down by the antics of the other two or the drama in the last 3 years or if I've just matured so much since Garrett was a baby that it doesn't bother me. Probably the 2nd:). When he was a baby, it grossed me out...I got tired of always smelling like spit up (these days it might be an improvement), changing my clothes before leaving the house (this, I've found, is not really necessary for preschool pick-up or Target, the only places I go), and cleaning up the piles of 'splat' (now, I just drop a paper towel over it and leave it for later, or rub it in with my socks--that is gross, I know).

I felt like sharing this, because tonight, she set a new record for disgusting--love her little heart. In past weeks, she has spit up in my shoes (many times), down my shirt, in my hair, in a basket of clean and folded laundry, on a pair of freshly ironed pants that were still warm and folded over a chair, in a drawer, and all over my new People magazine. But the worst was tonight--when she spit up in my bowl of salad and on my fork, as it was going into my mouth. I have no idea how it happened, but I think it's a true testament to the power of my stomach...because not even a bowl full of baby puke could ruin my appetite. But, don't worry. I did not eat the salad.

2011-10-14T13:40:00.001-04:00

Look at this girl....cuter every day! I cannot get enough of her--breathing in her baby smell, holding her hand, rubbing her head. I cannot believe we've only had her 4 months and do not know what I did without her.

Ada's getting too big, too fast for me. And she thinks she's bigger than she is...she has swiped food from my plate 3 times in the last week and acts like if she could just move her arms and legs a bit faster, she might be able to get somewhere. She is sweet and determined and has a mighty temper.

Not that you would know it to look at her.

2011-10-12T06:57:00.000-04:00

We are working on some positive attitude, thankfulness, and helpfulness goals at the Burch house. I'd say the (relative) biggest strides are coming in the helpfulness category. The only hold-up seems to be if G deems the task important to him (e.g., please get me my phone so I can call your teacher and tell her you are too sick for school) or fun. The fun part is tough, because, no matter how many cutesy songs you sing--a 5 year old boy is not going to take the bait that setting the table is a joy.

I did discover that pouring rain makes getting the newspaper fun....it might have taken him 10 minutes to get his gear on, but he was very proud!

Rain or Shine...he delivers!

After the delivery, he tried on every item of rain clothing we own...hats, boots, ponchos, umbrellas to test them out. Isn't that helpful? :)

2011-10-12T06:44:00.000-04:00

Tragedy has struck the Burch home. My tall, strong (and handsome) husband has thrown out his back. A lesser, weaker wife would be all I told you to lift with your legs and I knew we should have been doing Pilates together when the kids went to bed (instead of eating popcorn)....but not me. I'm happily serving the ~~invalid~~ man, stepping over his camp-out on the living room floor, while doing everything that involves lifting anything heavier than a glass. Oh, also, the driving. I'm doing the driving because his doctor has him on a little cocktail of prescriptions that made me hide his keys. Because the only thing that would make me more irritated than an injured husband is a dead one. Talk about no help.

As it turns out, every single household and child rearing task requires the use of your back, did you know that? Luckily we only have two children that are totally helpless in every way, and Garrett is such a joy in terms of helpfulness and positive attitude, that he makes up for it.

Now we know that Paul has 2 bulging disks and I really do feel sorry for him. Sorry for him and totally panicked for myself because he and I are 'in this' together and a big part of 'this' is lifting our 35 lb darling many times a day...which, unconincidently is the cause of this excruciating pain. I counted 30+ lifts of Lilah the other day, just for necessities (in/out of car, highchair, bed, etc) and she's only going to get bigger. So, Paul and I are getting our acts together and starting some core training...he's thinking CrossFit and I'm thinking one of those electronic belts from the 80s that stimulate your muscles while you watch TV. Kidding, I've started running again--which is maybe not that good for my core, but awesome for my attitude....which might be weaker than my core:).

2011-10-04T20:59:00.000-04:00

I love watching my kids together. I should note: they do not fight, at all, yet. A fact that is both wonderful, and sad. But, adding a 3rd increased their all their interactions by a lot, and the fighting is sure to come. For now, I'm enjoying the new dynamic.

Garrett, having his antics appreciated by the newest sister, gives more attention then to Lilah, hoping for a similar response. He doesn't normally "get much" from Lilah, but she at least seems a bit more 'present' lately. Lilah loves her baby sister...seeking her affection much more so than with anyone else (except, of course, her daddy). She reaches for Ada constantly, wanting me to stop and hold Ada near her for kisses or pats. Lilah will scoot across the floor more quickly to be by Ada than anything else. Ada is just her speed. For now.

The thing about typical babies is that they change. Quick. I forgot how every day brings a new skill.....Ada is literally changing before my eyes. And it's bittersweet. I am beyond thankful that she's strong and healthy, obviously. And, none of her little skills go unnoticed around here. I think she's a genius....a very strong genius. But, it also highlights all the things that Lilah never did.... skills that we 'worked on' for a year, that Ada gets in a day...areas of development where my 3-yr-old is behind my 4 month old. And it makes me really sad that Lilah has to work so darn hard for little things (like making a sound, or rolling over) that should be so easy.
As for Ada, she loves her siblings. Garrett can make her smile in a nano-second, and her curiosity over what he's 'up to' far outweighs any residual fear over the "Lego Incident". And Lilah, she's still trying to figure her out--waiting for her to talk, I think.

I love these 3 so. So fiercely. So equally. So differently. What a blessing it is to be their mother. Especially at times like this.....when they are moments away from sleep.:)

2011-09-29T14:20:00.000-04:00

Lilah is doing great with her wheelchair and using it more everyday. She's even using it with a more cheerful attitude, which is awesome:). The wheelchair repairman came this week, and brought a new device along with him for L to try. I already cannot remember it's name, but basically....it's an upright wheelchair. It supports her core, and allows for her to bear weight, but unlike other 'walkers', does not require weight bearing for movement--because it has giant wheelchair wheels also. So, she can do a little of both, still get around, and not get frustrated. Here's a clip:

As you can tell, she's heavy on the wheels and not so much on the legs, but this was her first time and she enjoyed it. FYI: you'll see one of her 'signs' in the video--when she points to her mouth, she's asking for her paci. Sweet girl:). We are so proud of her!

Now, on to the insurance game to see if we can get one of those up in here.

Happy Birthday Garrett

2011-09-28T20:12:00.000-04:00

Five years ago my life changed. Two new people were born, Garrett and me. These have been the best years (also, undoubtedly the hardest) of my life. He is an incredible little boy, and we are blessed in every way by him.

The years are wizzing past, faster each one. And, he's not a baby anymore. I know he hasn't been for quite some time, but 5 is different. He's becoming his own little person. This is the year he'll start kindergarten.

I have a 5-year-old. And I am weepy. Very weepy. I cannot believe Garrett is 5 and instead of feeling the joyful nostalgia that I've experienced at his other birthdays, I am downright panicked. Make it stop. Put on the breaks. Slow it down. Please. I want to freeze time. Hold that still teensy-bit chubby hand in mine and rock him to sleep.

Birthdays are, however, a great reminder that you cannot stop the clock....but you can enjoy each minute.

2011-09-27T14:55:00.000-04:00

I feel like I've been spending the last month getting my children's wardrobe ready for fall. I am baffled by the time, money, and organization it takes to outfit a child for a new season.....cool weather clothes, cold weather clothes, socks, shoes, coats, etc....and it mostly needs to coordinate to maximize the outfit possibiliites.

This is daunting enough before you add in any 'special needs'. It started with needing button-front baby outfits to accomidate Lilah's heart monitor and then feeding tube. The needs morphed into needing easy access to her feeding tube for me, but difficult access for her. Then Lilah's tiny body started getting not so tiny....and her belly grew at a disproportionate rate (because of her severly low tone, they say)....leaving her with the body habitus of an 8 month preggo. Her feet are the size of a 12 month old...meaning she needs baby shoes that are baby-proof. Lilah's scholeosis is starting to make her shirts pull tightly accross her back. Also, she's super hot-natured. So that goes into account. All of these needs are not always easy to accomidate, but I have learned a lot over the process.

I consider myself a special needs stylist:). Kind of like Rachel Zoe for the handicapped population (of my house). I know, it's banannas. I like for Lilah's clothes to fill her many requirements-- and be comfortable and look cute. There are certain brands I go for that are more....shall we say, forgiving. And, I have many things tweaked by a very talented and creative seamstress over at Cuckcoo's Nest--who has way better things to do with her talent, but loves my girl and appreciates the joy of dressing children. I have pants shortened, buttons moved, panels added, and things created--the latest creation is a 'belly bra', which I can't explain because the patent is pending. kidding.

Anyway, my latest undertaking was shoes, because Lilah can and will sniff out velcro like a blood hound, and remove her shoes to chew on them. She loves velcro. And shoes. And both are very gross, especially to bi-standers who think I let my child eat their shoes. Which I do. But hers have never touched the floor. Still, it's gross and she needs shoes that will stay on her feet. Mostly because I don't have time to put her shoes back on 30 times a day, and apparently neither do her teachers....because I keep finding her bare-feet at pick-up. I had, what I thought, was brilliant idea.

I bought 3 pairs of shoes and had an industrial snap put on, over the velcro, at the cobbler. I'm pretty sure he goes by 'shoe repairman' these days, but I think 'cobbler' is cuter. Anyway, genius, right? I considered buckles, but cobbler-man said snaps would be quicker (sold!) and she couldn't get them off anyway. I'm sure you can see the writing-on-the-wall here. Lilah got the first pair of shoes off in 30 seconds, the second pair in 15, and the 3rd pair....well, she just grabbed them straight out of my hands, laughed, and started eating the velcro. Fail.

shape sorters are the hot ticket in Lilah world these days:)

In the process of cleaning out closets, I found a pair of keds that Garrett wore when he was 10 months. And they are precious.....she'll just have to always wear red...because she has maxed out her shoe budget. And mama wants some new boots.

2011-09-23T06:41:00.001-04:00

Because it bears repeating: thankyou for your faithful prayers even still, outside moments of crisis, for our family. Prayer is real and powerful and it changes things. I still have no idea the way to theologically reconcile how that is true along with God's perfect plan for each moment of our lives, from the beginning time. But, in my aged wisdom (haha), I am learning that there are things about life, and particularly God, that I cannot and will not understand.

I do know that His word is truth and that God alone is able to do more than we could ask or imagine. It is true for Lilah, and it is true for Hutton. She is the little angel I asked you to pray for 3 months ago.....and today she is home, with her new heart.

Read her story here.

Financial Freedom

2011-09-22T06:37:00.000-04:00

You might have noticed the very fancy, high profile ITT tech and Zulily and Ann Taylor Loft ads now gracing this little blog. You all know how savvy I am...and I've managed to sell some ad space to finance some new boots I've got my eye on (in case it's not translating, note the sarcasm. I'm pretty sure anyone can agree to put ads on their blog). I hope boots are still 'in' in 2025---the year I will have made enough from 'selling my soul to corporate America' to buy the darn things. Partly because who knew cowboy boots were so expensive (I'm from Indiana, where I'm pretty sure you can only get utility cowboy boots at Rural King) and also 'they' pay me 1/1000000000000000 of a cent for every time that someone clicks on those ads.
I feel compelled to tell you: a) I have no choice over content, although b) those ads are, eerily, things I like or love, like The Loft.
So, I wonder if Big Brother watches what I post, and picks ads accordingly. If that's the case, I am digging the new season at Anthropologie and would also love to see an ad for 30% Western Boots. Hint. Hint.
Which brings me to c) I am not payed to review items, although I wish I were, because I am an excellent critic. Seriously, if I could find a job being a 'reviewer of items', I'd be all over it.

Back to our regular programing. Up this week: Dental Visit from Hades and Parenting is for Ogres. Should be fun.

Ada's Baptism

2011-09-18T15:08:00.001-04:00

We baptized our littlest gift this morning. It was sweet and special and entirely different than the last time, with Lilah. With her, there was a sense of urgency....a desire to baptize her quickly...a fear we might not get to at all. But, with Ada, it was a celebration of her life, a commitment on our part to raise her in the Lord, and a seal of the covenant God made with His people....all that an infant baptism should be.

this sweet dress has been worn by 3 generations of babies

I want you to notice that we were early....no easy feat.

I write very little about all the emotions surrounding Ada's little life...because they are intensely complicated for me. But, I will say that her 4 months have been the happiest in memory for me--full of a richness and love that brings me to my knees. Her life has been healing for my heart in ways that I cannot begin to describe. While certainly not the purpose or intent of her creation, her brightness has filled so many corners of darkness. That tiny baby's cries and coos have breathed new life into our home, and her spirit has bolstered ours.

the star was very well behaved

Ada is curious, loving, sweet, and completely engaged in all the wonders of this world. Her life is such a precious gift and I am honored that the Lord chose me as her mother. I cannot wait to see the story he has written for His child.

2011-09-15T18:30:00.000-04:00

Remember this? Well, as luck would have it, that little cow has become Garrett's best friend as of late..he's been changing it's clothes, giving him a bottle, and strapping him in a seatbelt when we travel. The unlucky part is that today, due to what can only be called 'lack of parental supervision', that cow, who can be gently warmed in the microwave, was incinerated. The small, fragrant lavender beads that it was lovingly stuffed with were heated to a temperature just slightly under nuclear reactor.

The back-story is that, like it or not, the oldest child of a handicapped sister and a newborn is forced into some independence. While it may not be ideal that he washes his own hands (a 6/10 on the cleanliness factor) or pours his own cereal (only chunky kinds, he is not ready for rice krispies or anything like that)...it is a necessity for small tasks that he doesn't want to wait 15 minutes for momma to help with. (and momma doesn't want to listen to the 400 times he would ask in those 15 minutes). Anyway, warming up the 'microwave safe' cow is one of those tasks that he does...with me hollering out instructions while holding a nursing baby or a feeding tube. "Push 9. Push 0. Push Start". Those are the instructions. He knows his numbers. We've never had a problem.

Until today. Disasters always happen when there are a million mini-catastrophes in the works. Little baby is hungry. Middle baby is dirty. Men are mowing the lawn. The phone is ringing. Paul is calling to see if I can get some numbers off his computer. And then it dawns on me....at the exact same moment that Garrett whines "this cow is never going to be ready"....he has been standing in front of that microwave an awfully long time....it smells funny in here....there is smoke billowing up in my kitchen. Ohhh Nooooo!!!!!!

I run over, open the microwave, and it is like scene out of cartoon horror. Cow has met his maker. He is smoking and crispy. And, I start laughing hysterically. Because I'm sensitive to the needs of my children like that. Double fail. But, I couldn't quit laughing, which made Garrett cry even harder. (Side note: what is wrong with me that I ~~thought~~ think that is so funny?). He was genuinely devastated. He even asked me if cow was in heaven...which just goes to show you how fine the line is between imaginary and real when you are almost 5....or how quick on their feet kids are--because he knows all about heaven, and how you get there. And that stuffed animals don't qualify.

Anyway, cow quickly made his way outside, away from the smoke detector, with a pair of grilling tongs. And, because I'm a better 'one-click Amazon shopper' than I am 'explainer of life's disappointments'....a new cozy plush animal is on its way in the mail. Oh, and for the record, cozy plush animals should, indeed, be microwaved on high for 90 seconds.....and not nearly 9 minutes.

I'm Back

2011-09-15T14:38:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been away....on a tropical island, with my husband and an umbrella in my drink. Riiiiiiighhht.
In reality the days are whooshing past at warp speed, which is odd, because I find myself saying 'it was a long day' at the end of every day. Our days seem to start earlier, though really, we are just out the door earlier, which means we I hit the ground running when my eyes open...and I'm just too darn spent at the end of the day to write down any of the funny and not so funny adventures we've had. Here are a few I can remember from the past days:

--Garrett has declared 'Farties' as his favorite candy, and even though I know his little mouth changes 's' blend sounds to /f/...I still laughed for a solid minute. I am not doing my part as his mother to snuff out the 5 year old potty talk---so help me, I cannot not laugh. A boy that changes a pack of princess fruit snacks to "Princess Poopy" and "Queen Stinky" is funny to me.

--Lilah has a best friend at school. His name is Christian and he is black and she is using him for his hair. She loves his hair and follows him in her wheelchair so she can love on him and touch his hair. I haven't actually seen this in action, and am only going on teacher reports...so I've probably embellished their friendship a bit:). But, I love the thought of her having a best friend, so I'm going with it.

--Garrett has given me an incredible gift for his upcoming birthday....he has chosen to have his Daddy take him to a local indoor waterpark instead of having party. Read: minimal mommy involvement. That's right....invitations, cake, bounce house, treat bags...all that crap that you have to do before you watch your child have the inevitable party meltdown is not happening for me. I am inexplicably happy.

--Ada is by far my favorite child right now. Happy, quiet, calm, and very appreciative of her mother. She is a good listener and a great sleeper (although my expectations are notably low). She eats what she is given and wears what she is told. She is grateful for what she has and other than being a horrible car traveler and a difficult burper, I have no complaints about her. She'll be 4 months next week. Remind me that I said this about her, because I see a twinkle in her eye that makes me nervous.

-I have mastered (though I use this term in the loosest sense), the drop off and pick-ups. It is not pretty, but I can get it done. 3 children, 2 backpacks, 16 loose papers (why do teachers do this??), 2 lunches, a wheelchair, an infant carrier, keys, and a cell phone.......nothing to it. On a related note, I'm taking applications for an intern--the pay is, well....there is no pay. But, it'd be an experience. There are similar positions open around here for medical expense secretary, appointment secretary, trash collector, laundry mistress, and put-stuff-back-person. They are all similarly glamorous.

--the other day, I put Lilah down on the floor in the kitchen to clean her high chair before she went back in it, and I returned from the sink to find her--gone! She had scooted into the playroom (about 15 feet) after tickle-me-elmo. Of course, it took me 30 minutes to quit second guessing where I had actually set her down before I could be sure she had done it. I am both proud of her and frustrated that she acts so unmotivated to do it at other times.

Could you all just be quiet??!!

2011-09-06T07:32:00.000-04:00

This girl is begging for a pageant. Toddlers and Tiaras, anyone?? Ada received this as a gift, and I must say....she looks pretty happy in it. You should have seen her after I got her 'glitzed'...fake teeth, a wig, and a spray tan. It was awesome. Kidding:)

2011-09-02T09:17:00.001-04:00

I think it's a bad sign that a week of getting kids to preschool has rendered me brain dead and totally exhausted. Also, I kind of expected to have a cleaned house, organized drawers, made meals, and lost 10 pounds. Not so much.

Maybe next week.

I love how they both look rather annoyed at me.

It makes me laugh that the 'back story' of every first day of school picture is a crazy mother, whiny children, and a ticking clock...and then they are supposed to pose with their backpacks...the last thing they want to do at 8am.

If I could read her mind, I think the hardest thing for her about school is no pacifier and no Backyardigans. Here she is ooching out the last few minutes of both on the way.

Lots of nice clothes...always chooses something small and stained:)

I think our first week went well...everyone seems happy. Garrett did cry like I was sending him off to labor camp before school. Sigh.

2011-08-31T06:50:00.000-04:00

Today is the day...school starts in full swing. Lilah and Garrett both go--to two different schools, at two different times. Lilah needs a change of clothes, a feeding tube, a case of food, breakfast, lunch, two bibs, two cups, and her signed and returned folder. Garrett needs his backpack, paperwork, change of clothes, a lunch, two drinks, sunscreen on his scar, his hat, and a spanking to adjust his attitude before we get there (kidding). I know you all aren't so interested in the minutia of my mental checklist, such as it is, but I'm using you as a sounding board to review:).
I'm a bit keyed up today--up and drinking stout coffee before the chickens. I haven't been up before the chickens since my littlest hatchling was born. But, I can't sleep this morning b/c I'm trying to figure out how it's really going to happen. This is the first morning I've had to haul all three anywhere on a schedule...poor Ada. I'm sure she'll love being plucked from her nice, warm bed to enter the auditory assault of the Backyardigans blaring and Garrett whining about not going. Her reward is coming though...both big kids accounted for and out of the house--at the same time--and her momma all to herself!!
Incase there are any fears about what I will do with 4 free hours...I should be going to the grocery, because a mouse could not live here for lack of food. However, I'm planning on a magazine, a cold diet coke, and the pool....my mountain of chores will have to wait until next week.

2011-08-30T07:51:00.000-04:00

Most little sisters think their brother hung the moon....interested in him to a point of contention. But, not this one...and it's not for lack of trying on his part. Garrett would dangle from the rooftop, while dancing and singing her favorite songs--if only it would get her attention. All he wants is for her to notice him...watch what he's doing...acknowledge that he's as cool, as he already knows he is. Garrett works hard for some connection and for whatever reason, Lilah is much more likely to engage with an adult than children.

Here is a rare glimpse at a shared laugh....so glad I caught it on film. It was a YouTube Elmo video:).

2011-08-26T14:50:00.000-04:00

I really should read the news more (it was one of my resolutions, after all), because I know if I was wondering about things like the Middle East or healthcare, I'd spend less time stressing about Garrett's lunch. That's right...I've spent way too much time thinking about what to pack in a not-yet-5-year-old's lunch...for preschool. I lead a narrow and shallow life--it's now official. Buuuuut, this year he goes 4 days and, if my new math is right, that's 4 lunches a week.

Either the apple does not fall far from the tree, or I indulge G, like I do his father, when it comes to food. Hot meat. Every meal. (For the record, I mostly do not cook breakfast or lunch, but still). No sandwiches. No pasta. No cheese. This is fine at home, but not incredibly convenient for a boxed lunch. In previous years, his teachers have assumed our family is vegetarian---which makes me laugh just to type, because, at our house--beef and bacon reign. They thought this because I sent things like hummus, nuts, and nut butters as protein sources for lunch. All mothers know that when your child likes a healthy food, you beat it like a dead horse until they act like they'd sooner eat rat poison that let hummus pass their lips. Of course, I did it anyway and now I'm out of easy options.

So, as I was lazing by the pool this summer, with a cold drink and a cabana boy fanning me.....what was I saying??? Oh yeah, my plan. My plan revolves around a thermos to keep foods hot. For the record, I tried to send a hot dog in foil one time and it did not pass the test. Chicken nuggets, bagel bites, quesadillas, I'm thinking. For the last week, I've taken a two pronged approach: 1) test thermos to see if it indeed would keep a dog hot (btw, thermoses seem very retro to me. i'm like mrs brady)... and 2) get the little dictator to agree to some food he might be willing to eat from said thermos.

Prong 1 is going poorly. The first three days, I filled the thermos with hot water to warm it up and then forgot to fill it with food later. Day 4, I put some hot eggs in from breakfast, but forgot to check on it until dinner. It was cold. (i'm like mrs brady, without alice) I was demoralized and lost motivation for day 5. Tomorrow is a new day.

Prong 2 went something like this:
me: "Garrett, what do you think you'll take in your lunch this year."
g: "nothing. i'm not going."
pause
g: "ribs"

"I'll trade you my sandwich for your.....beef tips?? pork chops?? new york strip??"

Great. Ribs. Totally convenient. I'll get right on that. Except, I guess I should quit worrying about it because he still maintains that he's not going. Should be a great year:)

2011-08-24T22:28:00.000-04:00

Remember how in 5th grade when a boy would tease you and your mom would say "do nothing. don't react"? It amazes me that the best choice is often to do nothing--and how hard that is. We live in a society of instant gratification...we are programed to search for a quick fix.

Lilah's MRI was "normal". For a spit second we smiled because we are not too accustomed that word....and then we realized that her orthopedic surgeon was looking for an explanation for her scholeosis...an abnormality of her spinal cord that could have been causing the curve...something that could be fixed. But no. Her curve is the result of weak muscles and neurological impairment--the most severe and the hardest to treat....and progressing at a nauseating rate. In February her thoracic curvature measured 43 degrees (there are 2 smaller curves that the body has created for balance), last month it was 56. The bigger she gets, the more mobile she becomes...the more gravity pulls at her spine--a very cruel irony.

As I'd mentioned before, all treatment options are bad in Lilah's case. A brace is ineffective against this type of scholeosis, she is not strong enough to support a cast, and the surgery is brutal, even for healthy teenagers.

And so, we do nothing. Her team decided that she was not a good candidate for any intervention given that severe complications were likely. Sadly, we learned early that there is no 'fixing' what's broken with this precious child's body....but we can make decisions that give her the best possible life. We've been given a great peace about 'letting her be', as both Paul and I had extreme anxiety over subjecting her to any of the treatments. Even though her scholeosis is no better, it feels as if we have been relieved of the burden in some ways. Choosing not to treat takes it off the table...one less thing to worry about ....many fewer doctors appointments to attend. And goodness knows, that's a blessing.

Lilah and her Uncle Jeff

So the best choice is to wait and watch and let this disease follow it's course...trusting that any other decision would rob Lilah of a quality of life that we work very hard to maintain. I am thankful today we have choices in her care and such an incredible support system to help us make decisions that no one should have to make.

2011-08-23T22:27:00.000-04:00

In that first dark winter, when I ran around adjusting monitors, administering countless medicines, and loading up my toddler, my very sick baby, and an oxygen canister for daily doctor appointments--I thought this day would never come. But, I knew if I could just hang on for 3 years, then this day would come an dI would not be the soul person repsonible for this very challenging little girl. I would day-dream of the day that she would be somewhere else and someone else's responsibility for at least a few hours. Terrible, isn't it? Other parents would tell me about how hard it was to send their child to school and I'd laugh inside. Because I just wanted mine to go. Just go. And not like, Oh I think it'll be so good for her....but more it'll be so good for me.

Back then I felt guilty about wanting to do what was best for me--and totally selfish. Today I am totally confident that Lilah going to school is a great thing for her....because it's a great thing for me to get a break. I know it's uncouth to say you need a break from your child, but it's the truth. One of the differences in having a special needs child is that you, as a parent, are constantly giving (time, emotions, love, physical care, etc) until you run out of things to give. And then you give some more.

I have giveniveniveniven and I am worn out. I need some time to restore my batteries, to feed my soul, to breath fresh air, and enjoy some freedom--so that I can be a better mother for all my kids, but especially Lilah. I want to love my precious daughter as God intended and I know being the best mom I can be means taking care of myself.

Lilah seemed to enjoy her first day of school....she pushed her wheelchair right into the building without looking back and looked happy when we picked her up. We are thankful for teachers and aides that enjoy and delight in our sweet girl. She's going to have a great year!

2011-08-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

TGIFS. It's been a long week. The good news is that it's over and we survived 3 days at Children's. The last 2 were for attempts 1 and 2 at Lilah's MRI. The first day we enter via the ER after Garrett slammed his face into a tree in the front yard.

It was a week day and the kids and I were 'play-dating' with some friends. The babies and adults were in the back yard and the big kids were running back and forth. Somewhere in one of the 'forths', we heard a blood-curdling scream. "Please let that NOT be my child" all 3 of the mothers were thinking on the dead sprint around the house. My stomach sank--I drew the short straw. Garrett's face was covered in blood and even though I wanted to simultaneously cry and throw up, I scooped him and took him inside to ascertain the damage.to.my.sweet.baby's.face.

No amount of wiping, applying pressure, or begging him to calm down helped me to get a clear picture of what was going on beneath the blood. But, I could spot a giant gash in his lip that I was pretty sure would need stitches. Just for the record, the pediatrician does not stitch lips in the office--so we headed off to the ER.

A head CT, many applications of numbing cream, some Lortab, a showing of Gnomeo & Juliet, and a 'de-breeding' session later....we were home. He did not need stitches, but he did make quite the impression on the staff. Let's just say my boy is not afraid to make a scene.

Much happier....sedatives are good.

You'll be glad to know he is recovering nicely....basking in the glow of sympathy gifts and, if it were possible, even more attention. I learned several things through the ordeal:

1. If I am ever alone with all 3 and need to head to the ER, I will call 911. It would be impossible for me to load up all three in a timely manner, restrain the victim in the car, and deal with the crowd in the waiting room.

2. Never drop your guard of preparedness. Must have things somewhat organized at all times should someone else have to take command of my children (i.e., frozen milk, labeled instructions, meds drawn up, etc).

3. It's good to have interesting stuff in your purse at all times.....the power of unwrapping 30 bandaids and sticking them all over momma's face is incredibly distracting.

4. I prefer emergencies that do not involve blood.

2011-08-21T10:28:00.000-04:00

Lilah's MRI went well on Friday. The sedation and extubation were uneventful, thankfully. We meet with the Orthopedic Surgeon on Tuesday for the results. Thankyou for your prayers, as always.

2011-08-18T15:50:00.000-04:00

You know how you always think things will slow down??? And they don't??:) This is one of those days/ weeks/ months. A quick update to ask for your continued prayers for Lilah. Her MRI did not go as planned today. We went through the whole rigamarole of fasting, check-in, numbing cream, IV started, blah, blah, blah and the doctor came out 15 minutes later (it was supposed to take over an hour). Never a good sign.

Basically, Lilah was unable to maintain her airway and her oxygen sats dropped (pretty much like sleep apnea). So, it was unsafe to keep her sedated and they were unable to do the test. We go back tomorrow for the real-deal sedation, where they will intubate her. The good news is that Children's Hospital has remodeled and now we can get a decent cup of coffee. Coffee and this man--my best friends.

More tomorrow....

2011-08-15T16:36:00.000-04:00

I think we are back in the game. The game of life, that is. I'm sure it's totally screwed up, but the barometer I use for how well we are coping with 'things' is "are we enjoying life, as a family?". Obviously, we enjoy each other (most of the time), but it is very easy to get bogged down with the tasks of care....with Lilah alone, but a new baby heaps on another set. Since Ada's birth, we've been treading water...trying not to sink under the jobs of daily living. But, I think the needle is shifting because, in the last week, we've been swimming twice, to church, and out to eat--as a family! Three cheers for us:).

Clearly, attending church was the most rewarding (because, you know, its all about what I get out of it), partially because it's an act of congress getting there, but also because it literally "fills us up". Reminds us, encourages us, sustains our family for the days ahead....which is timely, because the days ahead may be trying.

The short version is that Lilah's scholeosis has progressed significantly in the past 6 months (i.e., her curvature has worsened). "It is impressive", I have learned in the last 3 years, actually means "I am somewhat horrified", in doctor speak. So, yeah, it's impressive--meaning we are going to come up with a game plan before it starts affecting her lungs and heart. In her Orthopedic's words, our choices are"basically all bad options". How comforting.

Three doctor visits, an EKG, an echo, an x-ray, multiple phone calls, and physician and insurance clearance later.....the next step is a complete MRI of Lilah's spine. They say it's a 3 hour deal and she'll have to be sedated. The MRI is Thursday and we meet with the doctor again Tuesday to review the options.

Please pray. I'm not even sure what to ask you to pray for at this point...obviously that she will tolerate the sedation. But past that, I don't even know. The results will either be bad or bad-er, I think. I guess whatever it is, I'm hoping that we can just wait. My 'day at a time' life strategy has morphed into a 'just not today' approach when it comes to dealing with Lilah's medical issues. For some reason (maybe denial, or procrastination?), I always feel like it's best to put off anything we can. She's relatively healthy and happy and I don't want to rock the boat.

As hard as it is, I know this is what God has for her life. It does not mean I understand it or that her suffering does not break my heart, but He has given us a peace that no part of this road is an accident or a mistake. Pray for wisdom for Paul and I, that as we weigh "bad options", that the best choice for our sweet girl will be clear. Our desire for Lilah's years to be good far outweighs our instinct for wanting her years to be long.

2011-08-13T07:28:00.000-04:00

The countdown is 'on', people.....5 days until Lilahs first day of school. She'll start at West Hills Elementary on Wednesday. Gulp. You might remember that she went to what we called 'school' last year, but it was really the infant class at our neighborhood preschool..a familiar place Garrett has gone for years. This is big girl school. She'll go 3 days a week from 7:45am-1pm. She will eat breakfast and lunch there. She will get dropped off and picked up from 'the line'...where I will sit in my car and watch her teacher push her inside the giant, mysterious abyss that is elementary school. Gulp Gulp.
We (Lilah and I) went to "meet and greet" yesterday. I was a nervous wreck. I think my anxiety was a combination of wanting them to love her and worry about how it would go. I know everyone goes through sending their child into the care of relative strangers, but sending a child that is, for all practical purposes, totally helpless, and completely unable to recount their day is an entirely different story. A story that involves me relinquishing much more control than I am used to doing. It requires a whole lot of trust. And it is scary.

I know she'll do fine. And I know they'll love her ( how could they not?). And it will certainly be good for her.

The "meet and greet" went well, but I'm pretty sure Lilah did not get the first impression rose. As we walked in the room, I said "this is Lilah", and looked down at her in the stroller...just as she was pulling her finger, and a giant, nasty boogie, out of her left nostril. They must be used to it though, considering 4 boxes of tissues were part of the 20 item school supply list. :)

2011-08-09T15:24:00.000-04:00

I hate camping. Actually, we camped a fair bit growing up and I liked that, but camping with my dad is really an entirely different experience. One that involves simply showing up...because he has been planning, packing, and preparing for weeks. I do enjoy the outdoors, but overnight stays at a Westin on the beach are the stuff my daydreams are made of these days. I might have enjoyed snuggling up to my man in a tent by the fire before kids, but the mental image of camping with small people kills any of the (tiniest) joy I might have had for camping.

Which is why it was so odd that when some close friends of ours took theirs camping together this summer, I was bitten by the green eyed monster--jealous as all-get-out over schleping gear, dodging bugs, and sweating like a beast! I don't even like camping and if asked to go, I would quickly say "no. heck no!". So, why did I care that the Burch bunch wasn't participating in this iconic summer fun? I could just see it....us trying to push Lilah in her wheelchair over tree roots in the path, deciding who stays with her while G plays in the creek, stressing out as the whole campground listens to her frustration over choosing the wrong Backyardigans to watch. We could never go.

And that's what was bothering me, I realized. Our family cannot go camping. Everyone likes to decide on their own what they want to do...to make their own choices. And, while I might not choose to go camping, I want the choice. Maybe it's the old 'want what you can't have' or 'the grass is always greener' stuff--whatever it is, I am jealous of a normal life--family life without such rigid limitations. I have longed for a summer where I can scoop my kids up and go to a waterpark, or a baseball game, or even out to lunch--any activity where I don't first have to run through a mental checklist (where will she sit?, how will I get her inside?, do I have enough distractions?, will she be in the sun?, will she be too hot?, when does she need to eat again?).

I would not trade my sweet miracle for a normal life, but I wish I could have both. And then again, as I have so many times in the last years, I remind myself that this 'normal life' is just my perception in many ways. That everyone has a weight to bear and limitations to deal with...it's just that we are all prone to think ours are the hardest. And, it doesn't much matter what I think--I just have to make the best of it. So, for the rest of the summer...we are forging onward, these little people and I. We are a team. A determined to go--to the pool, the mall, the ice cream shop...maybe even the fair. Just not camping. At least not yet.:)

Cousin Love

2011-08-04T07:49:00.001-04:00

Ada made the 11th cousin on the Burch side and here they are.....

From Left: Ada, Galia (Robert's oldest, Maggie (David's youngest), Elizabeth (Katherine's), AnnaKate (Liz's), Yossi (Robert's), Daisy (Robert's youngest), Garrett, Lilah, Owen (David's), Tamar (Robert's)

Granny, with the addition of Christopher, honorary Burch cousin

swimming lessons

2011-08-03T07:28:00.000-04:00

I'm exhausted and broke--all because my 4 year old had swimming lessons for the last two weeks. You might not think that a 1 hr lesson for 8 days would have such an impact---but, you'd be wrong. First off, for someone who hasn't taken her children anywhere expect the Chick Fil A drive thru since in months, the act of getting everyone in the car was impressive. (I won't get into the flow chart that has to be followed to get all 3 ready to get in the car....that's an entirely different post). It was a 10 minute sunscreen application, a 20 minute drive, an hour lesson, a 20 minute drive home, lunch, shower, etc. When you add in the whining and crying before and after lessons in the am, and the assault of pleading not to go to lessons tomorrow that began around dinner the night before (every day), it was an all day activity.

before

We I chose the Swim Nazi (not her official title) for lessons this year because I was tired of dinking around with $85 lessons at The Y that were the basic equivelant of what G and I have been doing during his bathtime for the last 4 years. Also, because of little baby and middle baby, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get in the water this summer and teach Garrett myself--not that he'd take my instruction anyway.
The last reason we chose the infamous Swim Nazi is because I had heard from many people that "she taught my child to swim indepenently in 1 week". Sold.

You know how sometimes when you are listening to people, you only hear bits and pieces....mostly the pieces you want to hear, like "swim independently" and not the bits you don't want to hear, like "will be in counseling till he's 18"?? Right. Well, that was pretty much the case here.
Let's just say you don't teach a child to swim quickly by being a softie.

after

a happy moment. in tears moments later.

the highlight.

not sure if this was anger or confusion.

Ada loved swim lessons:)

All's well that ends well. Garrett learned to swim. Actually, thanks to the effort of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, he learned to swim earlier in the summer....but now he is more efficient. He learned (in theory) the basics for a few strokes, but I think I learned more.....like, when calculating the cost of the Swim Nazi, you should factor in the dollars for a daily ~~bribe~~ treat, lunch, gas to keep the car rolling and baby happy during the hour wait, and, of course.....therapy. For me and the little swimmer.

2011-07-23T07:13:00.000-04:00

My little bug is 2 months old today! The first 3 weeks were great, the last week has been good, and the 4 weeks in between.....hell. Just kidding, not hell, but very very hard. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I'm all "having a sick kid gives you perspective". I can hear my own words "after dealing with what we did with Lilah, a healthy newborn will be a piece of cake". Ha. Haha. You know what that kind of glib confidence gives you right? A swift kick in the rear.

Because nothing makes you abandon all 'perspective' like a hysterically screaming infant that will. not. stop.screaming! Unless maybe it's a baby that spends all day long smiling peacefully, tricking you into thinking tonight will be different, only to start wailing uncontrollably the minute you start thinking about laying your head on the pillow. Ada alternated these 2 approaches--to keep us on our toes:).

I'll tell you people, I pride myself on being somewhat 'tough'...mentally at least. Riiiiiight. What I learned is that I'm the weakest of weaklings. Powerless against the mental assault of an 11 pounder. I have the utmost respect and sympathy for parents that deal with real colic...because whatever those 3 weeks were they took a serious (and thankfully temporary) toll on my health, wealth, and marriage.

Welcome back happy baby!

Birthday Bummer

2011-07-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

We celebrated Lilah's 3rd birthday with a "Backyardigans" party, which means I had invitations printed, we had a cookie cake, and treat bags...all with her favorite faces....Pablo and his gang (pictured below).

I had no grand illusions that she would be all 'thanks mom, i love my party' because she didn't really have a clue that it was her birthday--or even what a birthday is, for that matter. But, one of the thousands of things I'm still trying to figure out in this journey is how to keep life as typical as possible with an atypical child. We want her to have every opportunity to experience as much of life as she is able. There are very few activities that she likes and/or is able to be a part of these days. I kind of thought a birthday party would be one of them. Of course we want to celebrate her life and want her to feel celebrated. She did not feel celebrated. She felt scared, confused, and totally overwhelmed. Fail.

The thing is, we basically just invited family, but with the Burch crew, it ends up being a lot of people. People that she loves and sees regularly. But, they are not all always at her house, surrounding her, singing to her. We sang happy birthday to Lilah, because that's what happens when it's your birthday. And her lower lip started to quiver, and her eyes filled with tears, and she looked at Paul and I with one of the saddest expressions I have ever seen. It was as if she knew she should like it, but she knew also that she didn't 'get it'. Broke my heart. I felt like I had set her up--unintentionally, of course, but we had failed her none the less.

Birthdays are hard around here. Just like most things in this path we are on, the emotions run the spectrum from extreme joy and thanksgiving to profound sadness and grief. Of course we are overwhelmed by the blessing of her 3 years, but we are also more clearly aware, on 'milestone moments' of the trials that we have endured and the difficulties that lay ahead.

After the disastrous song and an even poorer reception of 'gift opening', I was having a little pity party for myself. My sadness met total understanding when I saw my husband's face. He told me, "you are sad because it's sad". Paul is deep, I know:)...but he's totally right. It sucks that Lilah is limited in the ways that she is. It's terrible that the other little girls are running around trading charms for their bracelets and she is eating crayons. This was not my plan for her and it is just plain hard. As much as we feel like we've 'accepted it', I am learning that there is new acceptance to work on at each new stage. And probably, more truthfully, I am never going to be "OK" with it...it will always be hard.

At the end of the party, she was happy as could be, watching her Backyardigans on the iPad....looking up to see if her mommy and daddy were enjoying it as much as she. And I felt better. We had not done permanent damage. Lesson learned. She is helping us navigate this path, isn't she? Lilah may not talk, but you know exactly how she feels by the look on her face. She has very few expectations and most of them are to be in the comfort of those she loves--and we do adore this girl! Lilah loves life and people with her whole heart....a love that is fierce and pure. And she has taught us a lifetime of lessons in her 3 years.

We continue to covet your prayers for her life--prayers that God will protect and bless Lilah, whatever that looks like--and most importantly, that His will be done in her life.

Happy Birthday Lilah

2011-07-16T21:57:00.000-04:00

Our sweet miracle is 3 today. It's offical, she is a baby no longer...but I will think about that tomorrow. For today, we are celebrating the joy of her life. What a 3 years it has been!:)

2011-07-13T14:57:00.001-04:00

In this crazy world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they're never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom.
--Henri Nouwen

Like staring into the sun, I could not look upon Ada too long without tears for the first several weeks we had her home. Tears of joy, obviously. But, also tears of much more complicated emotions. Emotions that were surprising to me, and not all together pleasant. Having this perfect new bundle of joy in my arms bought memories of Lilah's infancy rushing back. Memories that I had forgotten, or probably, more accurately, just pushed out of my mind. Looking back, comparing these two babies....of course Lilah was sick, how could we have missed it, they are so different. But, as I've said before, I don't beat myself up for missing it in those early weeks...it was a blessing. What strikes me more are all the tiny (and big) ways that Ada is strong, and curious, and engaged...how she literally develops more by the day....and all the ways Lilah is not.
This is not your typical "I wish Johnny was smart like Mike" comparisons of offspring that every parenting magazine warns against. This is more of a subconscious matchup of right and wrong. They way things should be versus how they are, in my oldest girl versus my youngest girl. A startling equation that spells out exactly what was taken from Lilah when those tiny bits of chromosome went missing.
And it has made me incredibly sad. Missing what I missed out on in her infancy. Grieving what she will miss out on in this life. Realizing in new ways how hard it is going to be to care for a perpetual child. Knowing the day is coming that her 3-year-younger sister will run circles around her.

But that quote, by Henri whoever is spot-on. The good and the ~~bad~~ hard times are so often intertwined. Thankfully, the scale tips toward joy almost every time.

Pray for Hutton

2011-07-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

During the worst of times with Lilah, the Lord sustained us and provided for Paul and I in surprising ways. One of those surprises was Paul running into a girl he went to high school with in the lobby of Children's Hospital, when Lilah was in the PICU. "Coincidentally", Jill has a little girl with a major heart defect and she reached out to me as a friend when I felt incredibly alone in sadness and fear. She became a fast and dear friend. And today, her little girl, Hutton has gotten a new heart.

The greatest gifts Paul and I have ever received are prayers on behalf of our family...please give the same gift for this sweet angel. Pray that Hutton's new heart 'takes', that there are no complications, and for a swift recovery.

2011-07-06T21:26:00.000-04:00

Well, you might have noticed that I've been a bit absent from the blogger world lately. It's not for lack of news, or updates, or thoughts, but more a lack of hands and time. 3 kids is no joke, you all. Seriously. It's the kind of busy that makes me feel like my head is rotating on my neck, I'm so occupied with what each of the 3 chickens are doing and tending to their needs. It's great, don't get me wrong. And, it's like Ada's always been here....except for the tiny part about me still not being able to mother all of them (well) at the same time. It's a process, getting your feet under you when you bring home a new member. We are all stretching and growing in the areas of patience and selflessness (hahahha)....and Ada is just stretching and growing (in body and lungs!).

4th of July

2011-07-05T07:26:00.001-04:00

The only picture I got of Ada, who had the sweetest little patriotic outfit. She slept through most of the festivities:)

These boys are getting to be bigger and better friends each year...seems like I was pulling my little Garrett in his first parade just yesterday.

And he's off....

Look...here we are...family of 5. Out the door. At an 'event'.

We had a great time and are so lucky to live in such a great neighborhood, full of rich traditions!

2011-06-25T13:59:00.000-04:00

I knew one of the hardest parts of bringing home baby would be keeping Lilah entertained. Because it's hard to keep up her favorite activity (which is being carried around) while caring for a newborn. Add that to the fact that 'school' has been out for over a month and that she is tired of every toy she owns (which is, incidentally, every toy. that is, she owns every toy made that she could possibly like.), and that her mother has not quite figured out how to leave the house with all 3 (and is experiencing some severe germ paranoia) = Lilah is stir crazy. Here is one of her Daddy's remedies:

Bike trailer=Love, Helmet=Not So Much

If only we lived in a wide open palace, with no furniture...then I could just pull her around in a little Asian rickshaw all day.:)

2011-06-19T08:04:00.000-04:00

Wish I had time to properly blog, because I have a whole lot to say. ~~But my spare time these days is devoted to~~ scratch that. I have no spare time. 3 kids is a roller coaster. Ada is great...typical newborn stuff, fussy and wants to be held. The hard part is that description fits my nearly 3 year old, 32 lb Lilah as well. We knew it would be tough, and it is....but so worth it.

I am enjoying so much about Ada that I missed out on with my last (mostly because she didn't do it, but also because the emotional stress pretty much wiped out all my memories from that time). She is strong... raising her head like a little turtle off my shoulder, grabbing my finger with all her might, kicking her way down her bed. She is loud...full of a million noises, happy and sad. She's alert...her eyes are alive, taking in more of her new world every day. We love her so much and she has, literally, breathed new life into our home.

The truth is, I'd have more time if I'd set her down and quit gazing upon her sweet face. But, I have no intention of doing that because I can't get enough of her. A healthy baby girl seems like the greatest gift I could have been given at this point. A redemption of sorts. I'm not sure I could ever explain it in words, or that anyone who had not been in this exact situation would understand. But, it somehow lesssens the hurt and easeses the mourning of so many griefs we have over Lilah.

Of course, that was not our 'intention' when adding to our family. We simply felt like it wasn't complete. She was not planned as an 'extra' or a 'back-up' or a 'second chance' (ps, when I write my book, this is going in the chapter of things never to say to a mother of an ill child). But, the Lord gave us Ada as a gift--an unexpected blessing. We look at her and are reminded that we love a Father that loves us more.

2011-06-08T18:53:00.000-04:00

the only posts coming this way are ones that can be done with one hand:) here's the latest of the newest princess:

Ada's first bath

2011-06-05T19:52:00.000-04:00

was not a hit. But the sound of her cry is music to my ears. It's feminine and sweet....and strong! Lilah was too weak and sick to really cry, so we actually enjoy the baby wailing. It's comforting:)

2011-06-04T21:52:00.000-04:00

I had every intention of sharing Ada's birth story, but now it seems kind of private...like something I want to keep to myself. It was like the other two in most ways...terrifying, and beautiful, incredibly painful, and totally miraculous. I always compare giving birth to running a marathon (which I have never done) and jumping out of a plane (which I have)-- you think you are going to die, you know you're not, but you feel like you are.....and then it's over. And the high is like none other. Seriously, if we could figure out how to bottle that feeling, it'd be money.

Not knowing this baby's gender made it uniquely special....I thought she was a boy and was so surprised when I looked at Paul's face and heard him say, "it's a girl". It is a moment that I will keep tucked in my heart forever. Ada is the most precious of gifts--we are pinching ourselves, hardly believing it's real (well, it seems pretty real at 3 am:).

I've heard it said that babies are God's way of way of showing us that life goes on--and that rings very true to me now. This is certainly a new chapter...one that already feels rich with blessing and love.

2011-05-25T15:39:00.000-04:00

It's a girl!!!

2011-05-25T15:24:00.000-04:00

Ada Caroline Burch has made her debut. She weighed in at 7.7 lbs and measured 21inches long. Ada is the picture of health and we are truly overwhelmed with thanksgiving!

Market Square

2011-05-22T07:57:00.000-04:00

This might be our last weekend as a family of 4--and it might not:). But, we are taking full advantage of the freedom of not having a newborn and trying to soak in the other two. Saturday morning, we headed to the Market Square Farmer's Market and tried to pretend it didn't feel like the middle of August--this pregnant momma was the worst pretender.:) I always get emotional right before a new baby comes...totally normal, I know. I start thinking about how much I love my life now and worry that it will never be the same--which it won't, but in totally great ways. I worry that everyone will feel neglected and that I won't be able to handle it all. Thankfully, the excitement over meeting the newest member of our family outweighs the trepidation!

There was some great music, but it's hard to compete with an Abby Cadabby book

Lilah looks so big here....like too big for that paci:( i'll deal with that later!

Boys enjoying some homemade ice cream:)

Aunt Liz and sweet Anna Kate

Prego Products

2011-05-18T12:34:00.000-04:00

I'm not really a 'product junkie', because I don't like to throw out un-empty bottles and I dislike lots of stuff sitting around even more. So, I usually just stick to the same stuff I've always used unless someone makes a recommendation about something specific that will change my life. That's what I have for you here, folks: life changing products....if you have a human growing inside your belly that is stretching your abdominal skin past the limits of comprehension. Or if you just have dry, itchy skin.
Try these, you will thank me:

I can't get this unfuzzy...it's the lotion counterpart to the body wash

2011-05-16T19:40:00.000-04:00

We've got big news around here....Lilah will start a new school in the fall. We are hoping she can still go 2 days a week to her beloved preschool, but she will also be going to a developmental (aka special ed) preschool with the county starting in August. Obviously her need for this is no surprise, but I've been a little anxious about it since we started the process in early March. There was a ton of 'testing' involved and several meetings before the final decision. I had very specific 'plans' for what I thought would be best for Lilah and I'm really thankful that it was what God had planned for her also, which was clear because I was prepared for the worst, but it all fell into place perfectly.

It is a huge burden lifted for me to know exactly where she will be in the fall and I know it will be really good for her. She will be going MWF to a great program, in a great school, and will be less than 2 miles from our house. I know it will be really challenging for her (and us, in many ways), but I'm so glad to have met her teacher (who is great) ....and also, I'm really thankful that I can take her (cannot imagine putting her on the bus!). Here are some pictures from today, when we went to look around:

2011-05-14T13:41:00.000-04:00

This momma is busy crossing things off of a never-ending 'to do' list in preparation for the little one's arrival. In addition the the usual (clean out closets, etc) stuff, for us that means being caught up on doctor appointments for Lilah--which I can report that we are. yeah.

The last was an eye doctor appointment, that we had been putting off for 2 years. In the midst of heart, spine, and seizure issues, poor vision just didn't top the list of priorities. But, we had started to notice some things that made us suspect that Lilah was having trouble seeing...so we bit the bullet and made the appointment.

I had totally convinced myself that we would leave with these nasty coke-bottle glasses on my precious girl's face....and the promise of months of fighting with her to wear them. Honestly, at this point, we do not take for granted anything will be typical about her--we just kind of expect there to be some issue, big or small, with everything.

And, woohoo!!!!....the vision is a small issue for now. She is fairly far-sighted (-2.75), but does not have to have glasses--yet. So we add this to our "wait and watch" list, which is absolutely fine by me. I have to say, I am amazed at my ability to roll things over....living in the now and thinking about tomorrow tomorrow. I know this is a gift, purely by God's grace, because it's definitely not my nature and we sure have enough 'what-ifs' to keep us up at night.

38 weeks

2011-05-10T21:06:00.000-04:00

Baby Burch is 38 weeks today and could come any time. If I was a bettin' woman, I'd say he/she will arrive closer to 3 weeks from now, but who knows?? That's one of the amazing things about new babies...they are totally expected, and yet entirely unexpected. Speaking of amazing, here are my top 5 favorite things about being pregnant:

1. everyone smiles at you--I have no idea if it's motivated by joy or pity, but I'll take it. the world is a friendlier place when everyone is smiling at you everywhere you go:)

2. food tastes so darn good. not that it doesn't always, but seriously--most everything is even better pregnant. there just aren't enough hours in the day (or room in the stomach) for all of it.

3. it's a great excuse for all sorts of things...don't want to host an event? attend a dinner? clean the house? visit your grandparents in the nursing home? cook? "I'm not feeling up to it" does the trick every time.

4. it mellows me. I'm not sure my housemates would agree, or if it's been the case with my other pregnancies, but I feel super relaxed this time--about all sorts of things...and it's just the right amount, too. Not that I'm a total apathetic slob, I just don't care enough to get upset. Things are not only not getting done on the 'to do' list, they aren't even making it to the list in the first place, which is great because most of that stuff doesn't matter a hill of beans anyway (*Paul, if you are reading this....this does not apply to your list).:)

5. it's just the most miraculous thing ever! it really is, start to finish...the whole process is incredible. this is my 3rd time and I think I appreciate it even more....conceiving, growing, delivering, and raising a child. obviously, there are a lot of really hard things about it--but what a gift it is.

2011-05-08T19:40:00.000-04:00

I've had a great Mother's Day...I got 2 of the 3 things on my list and some beautiful flowers and the sweetest handmade card. I was also hoping for a day free from complaints and a frame-able photo of me and my babies. The first was a pipe-dream:), but I was bound and determined to get the picture....come hell or high water. What we got was a little of the first....fussing, whining, threats, and tears....

and this-->

Maybe next year!:)

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

~~Everyone~~ A lot of people says that they have the best mom. But, I have news for you. Only one person can be right, and it's me. :) I have the best mom. It's a commonly known fact. And if you don't agree, it's probably because you don't know her.

My mom is kind, and loving, and a great comforter, and an excellent cook....all the things in the handbook of motherhood. But, she is also a million other things that make her stand out--she is infinitely encouraging and supportive, puts her family first (while still respecting herself), and has somehow always juggled all of her 'plates' with grace.

My mom is never critical or judgmental of me, or my family, or my choices. She is honest, real, and trustworthy, and loves my children with a fervor only matched by Paul and myself. I have lived my life knowing she (and my dad) would do anything I needed and always be in my corner.
My mom has taught me (and still is) what it means to be an excellent wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend and her love is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

2011-05-06T20:33:00.000-04:00

On my first Mother's Day, I was pretty excited. Like most mommas, I was (and am) both proud and reverent and the teeniest bit insecure about the most important job of motherhood. The morning past without a mention of the holiday....I got up with baby Garrett, we went to church (where they honored mothers), and I came home to cook lunch for Paul's mom....all without a single "happy mothers day" from my husband. No card. No gift. No mention.

I sulked for the afternoon and then got mad as a hornet, because I'm mature like that. And you know what Paul said when I stated my case? "Well, I didn't even think about it. You are not my mom. " I can't remember the rest of the story, but I'm sure it does not paint me in a favorable light:), so it's probably for the best.

I wouldn't tell this if my husband was a baboon, but he's not. Actually, it's totally out of character for him--as he's normally fairly sensitive and infinitely generous--and we both laugh about it today. Well, maybe I laugh more than him...I think he just wishes I would forget it. Anyway, we've both learned some valuable lessons: me--don't expect your husband to read your mind, and him--don't say stupid stuff that your wife will bring up until she's too senile to remember.

In the spirit of that, here is what I want for Mothers Day:
1) someone to clean out the stuff in the other half of my closet that has been moved from 3 different
houses and not worn in the last 5 years.
2) a walk, alone
3) something like this

2011-05-05T15:31:00.000-04:00

It might have something to do with being 9 months pregnant, or this might really be the funniest thing I've ever seen, because I think I just wet my pants. Either way-->check this out.

2011-05-02T20:32:00.000-04:00

I have wedding fever...delayed. Like the rest of the south, we had terrible storms last week. I was so busy being thankful for a new, strong, relatively undamaged house, I forgot to freak out over our cable and internet being 'out'--until the morning of the big ceremony. So....I missed the wedding I've been waiting for months to see. Cry me a river, right??:)

Anyway, I am catching up now people...and I love every last detail. They are such a cute couple.

Happy Birthday Paul

2011-05-01T20:22:00.000-04:00

Today is my sweet husband's birthday....not quite 40, but very, very close:). Not to speak for him, but these days birthdays seem to be a celebration of endurance as much as anything else. I've heard it said that "children keep you young", and, while that may be true, they also age the heck out of you at the same time.
Paul and I have been married nearly 8 years, and those flecks of gray hair I spotted in the early days are overtaking his head--which I happen to love. But, I can run my fingers through those strands and practically name the cause for each of them....many, many of them were earned standing over a sick daughter's hospital bed, but the grays were also acquired along the way with family challenges, work demands, the unbending will of a 4 year old, and, perhaps the growing pains of early marriage, maybe.

The struggles we've faced with Lilah alone would have finished a lesser man, many times over. But Paul is an extraordinary man--kind, loving, patient, humble, and strong--and grows more so (well, the patience is questionable at times:) with each year. Happy 39th birthday to him....he might live to see 40 if he'll quit using my toothbrush.

Easter

2011-04-26T07:16:00.001-04:00

We had a great Easter! They are too young to really understand Jesus' resurrection (one much more so than the other:), but, boy, did they like the Easter baskets.

2011-04-23T09:04:00.000-04:00

One of the 'pearls of wisdom' my mom imparted upon me in my you was "tomorrow is a new day". I love tiny snipets of truth like this because they are so short that I can remember them and so, well, ...true. I think it's fairly common, at least for me, to think, in moments of darkness, trial, and hardship....'this is is, things will always be this hard.' And, 'I can't do it', 'I don't want to do it', 'I guess I have to keep going'.

And then one morning you wake up and see the tiniest sprout coming from the ground. And you think for a minute, there might be hope...but the cold is still overwhelming and you forget. But, before long, little by little, the world becomes alive and before you know it, you've forgotten the chill and the dark. Ahhh, sweet Springtime.

It is an especially sweet Spring season here and we are thankful. Both children are growing and thriving and we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their brother or sister. We have made it through our first winter without major health concerns or hospital stays. And, everyday that goes by, I remember less of the hard seasons past.

And that's what we are celebrating this weekend, the promise of hope....the miracle of Easter--the love of a God that sent His own son that we might have new life.

School Pictures

2011-04-11T21:45:00.000-04:00

My kids have 'school' pictures tomorrow...you know, where a local photographer comes, snaps off 100 pictures in 2 hours and pays for her family's summer trip to Disney with the windfall? Normally I like to rage against the machine and refuse to pay $30 for one measly little picture. And, usually, it's not even tempting because: a) I've forgotten picture day and let G go to school in a nasty Buzz lightyear t-shirt that I do not want preserved, 2) G's expression is morose at best, 3) I'd rather have a framed picture taken from my iPhone than one with a speckled gray background, or 4) all of the above. But, last fall, this was one of proofs that was sent home with Lilah-->

Ok, I know I'm a bit biased. And, she's got that whole 'I'm a miracle child' thing that tugs at your heartstrings, but is this not so precious??? It makes me giggle every time I see it and this is just a picture of the proof that I took with my camera (don't tell). I didn't buy them because speckled gray is not a friendly background for a heart baby and I had just sunk some cash into some real pictures.

Tomorrow I am prepared. My kids are going to school in cute clothes, which means I need to get my fanny in bed--because tomorrow morning is going to be a battle. Lilah, as usual, won't care. But G is another story. He chooses his clothes 98% of the time and does fine about 50% of that. In case you are wondering where I got my statistics, the 2% is church and since we only go on Sunday and he changes clothes about 5 times a day, Garrett's fashion is 98% freestyle. I honestly don't really care usually, and I think he's so cute that he looks even cuter when he's wearing something that he decided looked great together (stripes and plaid, anyone??). And the 2% makes our lives hell with the memory for the rest of the week, so we are too tired to struggle.

Anyway, I'm hoping for some good pictures--which means they will totally suck:). And, G might be red-eyed and blotchy in his, but he will be wearing the green button-down. If it kills me!

Frames

2011-04-06T20:09:00.001-04:00

This is totally irrelevant, and I'm sure no one cares, but I painted these frames. And a lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into them....actually, just a good bit of time. But, I NEVER do anything crafty, (unless you count the time a friend suckered me into making Christmas trees out of those cheap red glass ornaments---her's looked like Martha's and mine looked like trash, which is where it went)--so I wanted to brag. Also, hanging these has pretty much been the extent of my decorating at the new house, so I thought I'd share. In 3 years, when I get around to hanging curtains, I'll share again:).

2011-04-04T20:09:00.000-04:00

One of the hardest parts of being a mom is the loss of freedom, at least for me. I don't remember feeling it at all when I just had Garrett....I was still 'free' to do whatever I wanted (for the most part), it just involved dragging a little one with me. Dinner, the movies, Europe....I could still do whatever I chose...I just chose not to do some things because the trouble outweighed the fun. But, when Lilah came along, it was an entirely different ball game and the realization hit me hard.

It's not that I want to do much differently, it was just the idea that I couldn't, if I wanted, that gets me. The spontaneity is gone and it sometimes makes me feel trapped. It sounds terrible, I know. But there is almost nothing that we do now that doesn't require special forethought or equipment, or is just plain 'not an option'. The beach falls into this later category, I'm afraid. We took Lilah to the beach last summer and it was just a smidge away from a total disaster....the sun, the sand, the heat, and the logistics almost pushed her (and me) over the edge. She hated it and I came home depressed that I was never ever going to be able to go to the beach again my entire life.

But, I did!!! This past weekend, my sweet husband gave me the gift of staying with Lilah while my mom and I took Garrett to the beach. Why did we go to South Carolina at the end of March, you might ask?! I was asking myself the same question as we checked into our hotel and it was 50 degrees and raining. (fyi, the answer is that I thought we shouldn't get any closer to baby #3's arrival) Anyway, the weather perked up (a little) and we had a great time. And Paul and Lilah got along fabulously.

2011-03-25T19:55:00.000-04:00

Because I like to share my 'parenting genius' with you all....here is the latest. I was pushing the kids through the neighborhood on a walk and Garrett, out of the clear blue, turns around and asks: "how did that baby in your belly get there?".

I would like to preface my response by saying--it was a beautiful day, everyone was 'out and about' in the neighborhood, and I live in one of those places where everyone knows everyone--which kind of made me feel like I was answering this question on the 5 o'clock news.

So you know what I said???? "I DON'T KNOW."

Like pregnancy was just this strange occurrence that could happen to any unsuspecting person walking down the street and I was totally clueless how I found myself in this situation. Awesome. I'm sure this will be one of the many things Garrett and his therapist can talk about when he's older.

I did recover quickly and blubbered something dumb about "when two people love each other" blah blah blah "and they are married" blah "God puts a baby in the mommy's tummy" blah blah--but by this point Garrett was talking about Spiderman again and not listening to me at all. Who can blame him, right? As I type this, I'm thinking I better get my 'safe-for-4yr-old-boy-ears' answer ready for the question I will surely be blindsided with next: "how does that baby get out?".

Spring Break

2011-03-23T21:04:00.000-04:00

It was last week and I'm still recovering. My house looks like a bomb went off, and I'm exhausted, and broke:)....but we had a great time. Here's what we did during our "staycation" (I know, we are so trendy)...2 birthday parties, the zoo, the Aquarium, Pump It Up, shopping (Garrett loves to shop for himself), the nature center, walks, bike rides, and play dates.

I would have more pictures but my real camera is on the fritz and Lilah gets very angry when I try to use (my) phone when she's listening to music.

2011-03-22T21:04:00.000-04:00

I've given up thinking I can stay current with posts....and the warm weather doesn't help, because I'm just scurrying to get the bare minimum done inside so we can head out.

Anyway, weeks ago it was Ash Wednesday and our church had an evening service. We decided to take Garrett (and leave Lilah with a sitter) because he does so well in church (surprisingly, I am not being sarcastic here) and we figured he'd enjoy a little mommy/daddy time alone. For the record, a child who does well in a 9 am service is not to be expected to behave at all similarly in a 6 pm service. But we made it through a few hymns and a message on the purpose of Lent and then it was time for the "ashing". I'm sure there is a technical name for the mark of the cross on your forehead, but this is what I've always called it:).

Paul and I were slightly nervous that G would get to the front and freak, shouting something like "don't put that on me!", so P gave him a little warning about what was coming. Just as is the nature of children (or at least mine), he almost always does the opposite of what I'm expecting. This time he was so excited, unable to contain himself until our turn. Saying things (very loudly) like, "when is it our turn?", and "I want that for us". He was pretty solemn during the actual event, but the entire way back to our seats, he was saying "let me see yours Daddy", "yours isn't a very good one Mommy", and nearly tripping because his eyes were rolled back in his head trying to look at his own.

For the record, I was going to give up sweets (I alternate Diet Cokes and sweets every year), but then our pastor said something about how what you give up is supposed to make more room for God. So, somehow I ended up giving up Facebook and sweets--and it's terrible! I tried to make suggestions as to things my family could give up (Garrett: talking back, Lilah: whining, Paul: red meat), but there were no takers. I hope the Easter bunny brings me a really big basket:).

I'm Behind

2011-03-16T08:30:00.002-04:00

Story of my life, right:)? But I've given up Facebook for Lent and have taken care of several pesky chores that should free up all kinds of time for blogging. Ha.
The very quick rundown is that Garrett has down fabulously with giving up his paci after a couple of 'exorcist-like' fits. In true mother-guilt form, I am feeling a bit remorseful because he seems much older now....as if I just forced him to grow up about 2 years time in a week. First he decided that if he couldn't have 'ba', he didn't want monk--because he wasn't as "comterfable" without his paci. Ouch. That monk is like a member of our family....now just tossed aside, mocking me and the loss of my baby. Then, he wet the bed in the middle of the night and, on his own, got up, changed clothes, laid on top of the covers and went back to sleep. Without ever bellowing out my name!! I know I should be glad for uninteruppted sleep (because my days are numbered), but I am a sick woman and like to be needed. The last nail in the coffin of his babyhood was today on the way into school...."I really don't want to hold your hand Mom". Seriously...a dagger to the heart.
If I thought it would turn back the hands of time, I'd give him back the 281 pacifiers I've unearthed in the last week, speech and teeth be damned! But, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. Luckily for me, I have a fresh baby arriving in about 10 weeks.:) Here's the proof--

30 weeks:)

Its a Good Monday

2011-03-14T17:01:00.004-04:00

You all know we usually just grit our teeth and 'make-it' through Mondays. This one was off to a rough start, considering Paul had to text me from his office (upstairs) at 7:55 am to ask if Lilah had therapy at 8--which was a nice way of asking don't you think you should get up, get dressed, wake Lilah, change her diaper, and feed her in the next 5 min?. Obviously the time change hit me a little harder than it seemed when I was watching Big Love at 11pm last night.

Anyway, after sitting up for nearly 2 years, our little warrior has finally learned to moved from sitting to laying down to sitting again. It is so nice (and also very rare) to mark goals off the list and to have 2 in a day was amazing. (We knew she could sit up b/c she's been doing it in bed, but we hadn't actually 'seen' it). We are so proud of her...and I think she was quite proud of herself:).

**Edited to Add: I hate blogger. I can't get these stinkin' videos to work and I'm over it. You'll just have to take my word that she was working so hard and absolutely precious!!!

2011-03-11T02:25:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why, but I must have one of those faces that says, "say something weird to me". Because people do. Say weird things. Maybe I look too friendly or like someone they know. Maybe they know I write on this sad little blog and think I need material. Maybe people are just weird. For the sake of this story, I'm going with that last theory.

The foreword is that I'm meeting a friend for lunch at Panera. It's super busy and crowded and the bread-line boy calls me out of the lunch line to his line. He is slightly chubby, young, and I'm pretty sure, not 'into' women. Except, apparently, he is somewhat into women because this is how our conversation goes:

Bread Boy: Oh (very excited)! How pregnant are you?
Me: " 7 months. I'll have the soup."
BB: You say 7 months like, 'I'm so glad to have those 7 months over.'
Me: "And the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad."
BB: Is it a boy or a girl?
Me: "It's a surprise. We have one of each already. And a water."
BB: Oh that's sweet. (he's really into it at this point...very excited). Are you going to go natural?
Me: (starting to get weirded out at this point) "Uhhh." (Trying to think of an appropriate response because, while I have strong birthing preferences, they are not something I'd like to get into with BB).
BB: Boy you are brave. Well, if its your third, it'll probably just slip right out anyway. (Seriously?!)
Me: "Well." (what do you say at this point? Check? Please?)
BB: Of course, they say the 3rd baby is the 'wild card'. Your first labor is long, your second is fast,
and your 3rd could go either way. Good luck.

Am I the only one that thinks this is a wildly inappropriate line of conversation for the male bread boy to be engaging in with a complete stranger?? Call me a prude, but I really don't want to be discussing anything 'slipping right out' of anywhere unless they have letters behind their name and/or have held my hand through my last two births. This is why women of olden days went into seclusion before 'their time'.

It's a Sad Day

2011-03-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

I told you all I was on a quest to regain control, right? (haha...this kind of makes me laugh to write because God has shown me over and again, control is not mine) Anyway, with my children, I've made some progress over the last weeks...allowing Lilah to be unhappy more when she doesn't get her way, carrying her less, cracking down on poor attitudes and excessive television. But, today is a whole different ball game. Because for ~~weeks~~ years, I've been trying to man-up and take on this task. And I could write a book on excuses I've used to wuss out....new baby, sick baby, hospital stays, moving, morning sickness, etc. I've been dreading it, is the truth. Too lazy to take on the challenge. But, Garrett had his 4 year check up yesterday (6 months late) and he was the picture of health, meeting or exceeding every milestone except......."does not suck hands or anything else to soothe". Ugh. Darn. It. It's time. I cannot hide from my responsibilities as a mother any longer. "The Ba"(paci) must go.

It all started before he was born. I was not going to give my child a pacifier, said the speech therapist! And then the little suck monster was born and somewhere between day 1 and day 2, I was calling my mother to bring that stupid little paci someone had given me as a shower gift to the hospital. Quick! Because all Garrett wanted to do was suck and, since we weren't doing bottles, that directly involved me. And that, my friends, is when Gina got her first couple of the coming millions of lessons of motherhood. 1) never say never 2) I am incredibly selfish.

His paci and his monk have been his best friends ever since that day and I've had great intentions of taking them away before now--but, even better excuses. And, we have tried, half-heartedly, in the last 6 months to help Garrett come to the conclusion to give it up on his own. Yeah Right, is all I have to say. Because you know all those tips they give you in the parenting books about stuff like this (I'm totally assuming because I've never read such books), like 'give them to a baby', 'slowly cut more off the end', 'lose them'???.....that stuff could only possibly work with a baby. Not with a 4 year old who has more mental energy for reasoning and persuasion, not to mention tenacity, than his parents.

You know we never hesitate to bribe, although I prefer to call it "motivate", so of course, P and I decided that would be the best option. Offer Garrett the moon to give up his paci on his own, so that we didn't have to be the bad guys. We take the child to ToysRUs yesterday and spend 1 hour going up and down every aisle, telling him "you can pick any thing you want and after 5 days without the paci, we'll come back and get it". I swear the little mule picked up every toy in that store, with great enthusiasm, and at 'go time', declared "I don't want anything and I'm never giving up my ba."

Knowing we are screwed and thinking we should have 1 last night of peace, we declared that last night would be the last night with the paci. And, in a move that both made us feel like our parents and foreshadowed what the next 14 years of our parenting with this child would look like, the United Front of Parental Units (aka, Paul and Gina, who try to pretend like they know what they are doing, when, clearly, they don't) said: "we can do with the hard way or the easy way, it is your choice".

You can probably guess what he chose right? That's right. The hard way. He's vacillating between sullen and 'jump from a cliff' hysteria right now, and we are only 15 minutes into rest time. He's up in his room, crying to himself and mumbling things like, 'but I'll never have it again and I'll be so sad. I can't sleep without it." Poor buddy. Tonight promises to be full of fun. If I don't cave before then.

2011-02-20T22:33:00.001-05:00

So, I'm 2/3 of the way through this pregnancy (gulp!) and I've been doing a lot of mental comparing between the 3 pregnancies. Strangely, I don't remember much of Lilah's except for being disgustingly sick for too long. Garrett's was great except for what seemed, at the time, like extreme fatigue. And, the only real distinguishing feature of this pregnancy is that this little one is making it uber hard for me to breathe.
They've all had the normal pregnancy stuff, including cravings (spicy, ice cream, spinach, blue cheese) and repulsions. Well, actually, no repulsions this pregnancy (as the scale can confirm), but with the other 2, the thought of chicken made me sick. And, it lasted for a very long time after each baby...only recently have I been able to eat the feathered friends.
BUT then, on our road trip to north, I saw this:

a dirty semi truck crammed with nasty chickens. Seriously. Disgusting. Feathers flying across the interstate. Chickens stuffed in those wire boxes so tight that their skin was squishing through the slats. So now, chicken is out again! Which is okay, I guess.....it makes more room for ice cream.

Someone has news...

2011-02-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

Lilah has officially learned to sit up--that is, move from laying to sitting. I went in yesterday to get her from a nap and she was siting up!!! It may not seem like a big deal, but after 2.5 years of finding her in the exact position I laid her down in, finding her someplace different is huge!! I am so proud of her:).
Now if we can just learn how to lie back down in the middle of the night--without momma's help!